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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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IM a 24 year old man with a criminal justice degree and planning on leaving for the air force reserves in under a year.. I have been with a girl for about a year and just recently had broken up with her. While we have been broken up for almost a month but we still keep intouch just about everyday. while broken up i met a women at my job who is anurse she is 25 and has alot of goals set for herself. my ex is in childcare and is 21 years old. i still find myself getting very jealous when isee another man giving my ex some attention and i feel like a gorilla puffing his chest out.ha ha. the nurse who i have been talking to has a bf who has been cheating on her for awhile and is planning on leaving him and expresses to me how much she likes me and wants to get to know me. but at the same time istill have mixed emotions about my ex and am afraid that if i make moves towards this other women i will lose her out of my life completely. Im confused on what i should do should i try something new and move on and see where this new relationship will go? and risk losing my ex forever? the nurse who is leaving her boyfriend we end up talking everyday and usually for hours on end and have a good time, but at the same time if things didnt work out i dont think i would be upset at all. Im scared because if i get into this new relationship and it doesnt work out or i leave earlier then expected can ireally trust her enough to stay faithful while im gone for 6 months. my ex i wouldnt have a problem or worries about leaving cause iknow she stays faithful and has in the past. this is longer story but this sort of sums it up. *edit* my ex and I have along past of taking breaks for a week and then getting back together. we are both stubborn people and do not like to back down to eachother. We had been arguing alot lately because we both dont want to give up the small things that we have been accustomed to while we were single. IF you need more ill gladly type it
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like you have a lot of doubts about both relationships. It is a difficult decision. One relationship offers you stability and someone who you feel comfortable enough to talk to for hours. The other relationship with your ex offers extreme ups and downs and a bit of a challenge, since the two of you butt heads.


You do want to consider that if you and your ex break up a lot, that is an issue to be wary of. There is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship and it would not get better without a lot of work. Although this breaking up and getting back together may be ok now, if you tried to have a future together and possibly children, that type of behavior would not work. You need to find a way to address the problems in the relationship and resolve them before you consider a future together.


The relationship with the nurse sounds like it does not challenge you enough. You indicated that you would not mind if the relationship did not continue. That is a sign that you are either not into the relationship enough yet to see it's potential, or it would just make a great friendship rather than a love relationship.


There is also the issue of trust. You mentioned wanting to be sure that any girlfriend you choose will stay faithful. This could either be an issue with trust with you, or you expect your being away will cause someone to cheat. If the relationship is good and solid and there is love and respect, there is no need to cheat. So looking at it from that perspective may help you. There is never a guarantee with anyone, but building a strong relationship with the qualities above will help you feel more secure in your relationship.


Let me know if I can help in any other way,


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