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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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This is personal and direct but I dont know anyother way or

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This is personal and direct but I don't know anyother way or who else to ask. Married white male in late 50's here. Wife is beautiful 5'8" 115 lb red head. I have prostate issues and cannot get hard even with Viagra. I know she misses sex and am fairly certain she would be an easy target for another man. How shall I handle this situation?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You are married and you describe your wife as beautiful. You love your wife and you want to be able to have that intimate connection with her and you are worried about her finding someone else. A relationship is about so much more than sex. You both have a connection in other ways. I understand you said she misses sex which she would miss you and her being intimate. But you can have that intimate connect in other ways, hugging, kissing. You are unable to get erect, so you both need to find other ways to be intimate. You can't worry about someone else and her being a target for another man. She loves you and would not make that decision to hurt you in that way. If you both are intimate in other ways, she will just enjoy the connection with you. You both have a life that you build together and what was your first attraction to each other. There are so many qualities in a person that you fall in love with, you and your wife are working on this issue and together you can get through anything. If you have any more questions, I will be happy to answer. You also might want to look into other options. You mentioned viagra does not work, but you might want to look into something that may work for you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

To fully explain my situation, this is a second marriage for each of us. Both were married for 20 yrs, divorced and now married for 18 yrs together. I love her but feel she "likes" me but our marriage is more of one of convenience for her. She never had money, taught school and raised her children with an abusive husband. I am safe, nice to her and able to provide whatever she wants financially. She is leaving for Scotland without me in a week (she travels with friends who have money). I stay home and work as my work does not allow that kind of time to travel. Thus my concern that she is volunerable to another man's advances as she feels part of our trouble is her inability to turn me on. My real question is, should I give her approval to do whatever she wants or should I tell her I understand and if it happens, it happens. I think she has had affairs before on these yearly trips. She admits that her friends have but says she has not.


Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You both have been married a long time and also had previous marriages. I don't feel you should give her the approval to do whatever she wants. You are both in a committed marriage together. You do not want to push something because you need to both work on your marriage. You don't want her to find someone else. You are saying it is a marriage of convenience, but has that been said too you. You have been married a long time, I'm sure there is strong feelings for each other. She is going away and that is a nice time for her to do things she wants to do with her friends, it's nice to have that time. I don't feel she will be vulnerable to another man, if she cares about you. She has admitted her friends have had affairs, but she has not. This might be something she would never do. I don't want you to worry about this and approve anything. You are trying to make her happy because you care about her and want her to be happy. But this could cause a problem in your marriage, you want to handle issue and work through it together. You don't want her with anyone else, you are protecting yourself right now from thinking you are going to get hurt and she will be intimate with someone else. You can not think in this way, you need to know that she cares about your feelings and would never want to hurt you in that way.
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