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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I met a girl not too long ago in my nursing class (recently

Customer Question

I met a girl not too long ago in my nursing class (recently graduated thank God). She had been dating this guy for 4 years and he proposed to her last July. I had always been attracted and had a crush on her, but never followed through with it and upon finding out she was engaged I was rather sad, but I let it go. I ended up meeting a chick and that didn’t work out, but when her and I broke up I found out this engaged chick was into me. Basically she drunkenly pronounced her attraction to me and I knowingly turned her down. Apparently we ended up kissing that night to neither of our remembrance. We didn’t talk for 2 months because it was Christmas break, but upon return she told me she couldn’t handle it anymore and that she was really attracted to me and I told her I couldn’t knowingly ruin an engagement… I mean some assholes out there can, but not this guy (so I thought). Well time flew by we started hanging out more and more and nights became stay the nights (yes i know I did what I didn’t want to, but this girl man she is perfect not just body, but personality). Well the guy had no idea because he lives in another town and he eventually found out because she stopped hooking up with him and she told him what was up. Two weeks later they ended their engagement and we started dating… everything was perfect. This girl is the real deal like literally haven’t dated a more beautiful person inside and out. She is so sincere and happy and her smile is contagious. Well after 3 months she comes back from her friends bachlorette party and I guess that the memories of the life she had planned came back and overwhelmed her and she decided that she wasn’t completely over her ex fiance’. So now she said she needs time to figure out what she wants… in every instance prior to this point I could see these tips working, but right now being graduates of college; madly in love (which she is… she just still cares about this other guy) already talking about the future… i just don’t know what the f**k to do. I don’t see her getting back with him, but that’s just false hope… I am so friggin torn on what to do because if I stop talking to her she will decide that I don’t want to be with her, but its not that…

What do it do? Is she going to come back or can i even get her back?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You need to show her that you are the one for her. She went to a party and her friends must of talked about the past which brought up her old life with her ex. She began to miss the life she once had. But her feelings for you are strong and her attraction to you is something she can not deny. You really care and love her and you describe her as the perfect girl. She doesn't need space because what happens is she will think you are letting her go and she will settle back into her old comfortable life. Some times people would rather go back to comfortable then start over new. She might be nervous to take the risk of being with you. Thinks that going back to her old life is something she can settle into. You need to show her that having a life with you will be one that is great. That your love for her is strong and you both can work things out. You need her to see that her feelings for you are strong and that she should have a life with you because it could be the best relationship. Explain how you feel too her.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
How exactly should I come about doing this? I was under the impression that trying to get someone back only pushes them farther and farther away. Believe me I want to do this so bad... just don't know how to come about it. She I wait a few weeks? Should I keep in touch daily? She told me if I felt like I wanted it to not give up, but sometimes isnt it the best thing to do is to let them go so they do come back?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I understand that you were under the impression that trying to get someone back only pushes them away, but I feel that when someone is there all the time, you can't help but build a connection with them. What happens is that person starts to realize you are there for them all the time. Then they begin to not want to live without you in their life. When someone is always there and you leave you miss them. But you want to stay and try to get her back. You do not wait a few weeks, this causes distance, you want to be there. You should keep in touch daily so she gets use to you being there for her.You don't want to give up on her you want to keep fighting for her that is what she wants you to do. She wants to see how much you care and are willing to get her back. Your persistence will win her back because she will know you care for her deeply and are not leaving.