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Ive been seeing a woman the last 6 or 7 weeks and we finally

had the courage to kiss...
Ive been seeing a woman the last 6 or 7 weeks and we finally had the courage to kiss and hold hands a week ago. Suddenly in the space of a week she has gone from dreaming of me kissing her to being cold and pushing me away. Nothing has happened to prompt this, I think she's just freaking out but I'm so sad, I feel like I'm losing a friend and I don't know what to do. I have no one else to ask. Help!! :-(
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Answered in 28 minutes by:
6/2/2011
MrsRuss0114
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
Verified

Russ0114 : If you find my answer helpful, please accept and feel free to leave feedback.
Russ0114 : Hello, is there open communication between the two if you?
Russ0114 : The reason I ask is because you may need to sit down and talk with her about the noticeable change.
Customer:

Hi. thanks for your answer. there is, yes, but a couple of nights ago she said she wanted to communicate less (we were emailing a lot and she said it was a bit overwhelming). I think this all stems from a bad break up she had with someone a few months ago, saying she wanted to be friends (for the moment) after our couple of weeks of getting the nerve to kiss.

Russ0114 : The kiss may have scared her, especially considering her past. Maybe she feels like she has to put the brakes on but doesn't really know how other than to decrease communication and be a little standoffish towards you.
Customer:

I would like to talk with her but i honestly think she'd never see me again. something has utterly freaked her out (the morning after our kiss she was in bed having some sort of emotional crisis for the morning apparently)

Russ0114 : Was there a good reaction immediately after the kiss?
Customer:

well i think so - this was outside her apartment building and we were both a little "under the weather" (much wine for building courage Im afraid :-)

Russ0114 : It sounds like she's got something's going on internally. Unfortunately bad break-ups can do that to a person and that makes it hard to trust something new.
Russ0114 : I think you should give her some space allow her to process all of her feelings and try to be as supportive as you can.
Customer:

that sounds like a really good idea. Im just worried that if I step away too much she's just forget me somehow. i know it probably sounds a bit irrational, but Ive not really experienced this sort of behaviour before. Im surprised how much its depressing me actually (I guess I must really like her!)

Russ0114 : It sounds like you really like her. You can even say to her, I like you and would like to see where this can go but I respect that you need your space but just know I'll be around to support you if needed. And then be patient to allow her some time to work out whatever she needs to workout.
Customer:

its a brave thing to do! but it makes sense. I guess up till now I havent really told her this, Ive sort of been backing away so as not to frighten her. I guess if I give her a few days then say this to her. yikes.

Customer:

!!!!

Russ0114 : Feel her out because the first time you speak to her may not be the best time. Present it in a way that let's her know that you're serious but not trying to pressure her in any way. She may completely shut down initially but at least you've given her something to think about and maybe even solace in knowing that you'll be there when she needs you.
Customer:

Excellent. Thank you very much!

Russ0114 : You're most welcome and feel free to ask for Russ0114 for any future questions you may have. Please share with me how things work out! Wish you the best!
Customer:

I will. Cheers!

MrsRuss0114
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
Verified
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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
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Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.

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