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Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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hi my husband and I have just started counselling and he has

Customer Question

my husband and I have just started counselling and he has told me not to tell them certain things. I don't know if I should tell them or not - for his own good.

Basically he is staring at young girls a lot and recently they are becoming younger - like 10 or 11 years old. He seems to change when he is doing this and becomes like in a trance. I think he is somewhat addicted and I can clearly see it's a thrill for him with some kind of sexual element, although he denies this vehemently.

I have complained numerous times and we have had bad fights about it. I fear I have made the whole thing even MORE exciting.

The girls are not younger than pubescent but occasionally, if a younger child is in a state of 'undress' he will look at them too.

I have watched him when he thinks I am not looking at him and I have watched other men to see if the young person in question is having the same effect on them. What i will say is that my husband will stare for longer and not care if the young person in question is aware of that. He says he does not lack self-awareness but with that he is also a very dominant person.

My fear is if he will eventually act on what he fantasizes about, because clearly, he has a very powerful fantasy life.

The whole thing really scares me but I have to admit, because of this fear I have ignored his behaviour for the last 7 years.

Please don't misjudge me for that, he is a very powerful man and a lot older than me.

Thanks and wait to hear from you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Cathy :

Hi thanks for writing JA

Cathy :

I am sorry that we were not able to connect in chat but we are happy to help you on this. Can you clarify what your question might be? Most men of a certain age fantasize about younger women and none of them act on those fantasies and while that is not a question you have posted to us I wonder if that is your concern? let me know and warm regards Cathy

Customer :

My husband is 74 and yes, I think you have summarised the problem. I suppose I feel he is on course to ending up 'a dirty old man' and feel powerless to stop this progression. In your experience, is this behaviour the result of a fear of death or just a decreasing self-control?