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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Ive been seeing this guy for 5 mos now, he is divorced with

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I've been seeing this guy for 5 mos now, he is divorced with 3 girls, which one he takes full time care of . He is really busy with work right now too. I'm a joker at heart as he is. So last friday I was giving him a hard time and he text back that he was sorry and he was spending the day with is daughter cause it was her last day of school. I didn't reply, because I respect his time with his girls. Later that evening, he text me, "no response huh? I think we need to talk". So I text back "call me" He never did so I tried him and he turned off his phone. I tried to call and text and he will not answer me, I care about him alot and would like to see where this could go. I'm attracted to him in so many ways and he has said the same to me. I want to know how to I get him to talk to me and what do I do next.
You have been seeing him for 5 months, he is divorced with three girls. What happened was he felt bad that he couldn't spend time with you because it was his daughters last day of school. That is why he said sorry. When you didn't respond, he thought you were upset over this, so he started thinking that you were upset. He didn't want to upset you and maybe he even wanted you to come along. This might something he worries about. He knows he has three children and he needs you to be understanding because there are always going to be things that come up being a parent. He might feel that you will get upset when he has to do these things. He wants you to understand that he is a father. But you are understanding of that and that is why you did not respond, but he thought you were upset and was not talking too him, so he got scared. He was protecting himself from getting hurt. He is going to be worried that you will leave. He needs to be reassured that you are here and that you are understanding. Right now I would not even explain yourself too him. GIve him time he will contact you once he realizes you were not ignoring him and were not upset. If you have anymore question I will be happy to answer.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I have told him that I understand about him being a dad and his work being demanding. I just don't understand, why he said lets talk and then ignores me. So if he doesn't contact me, then what do I do, how long do I wait...

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
the last thing i left him in a message was, I'm sorry for all the troubles I have caused, didn't mean to do so. I didn't want things to work out this way, it gives me time to reflect on what i want. my happines is very important to me as is yours. I am attracted to you and care alot about you. It takes alot of patience, courage and selflessness to make this work. Hope you understand and know that you are always welcome to get a hold of me. was that wrong???
He said he needed too talk, but is ignoring you. I think he has to explain how he feels and is worried because he needs your full understanding. Your last message is something that could be misunderstood, so that is why you both need to talk in person. He has said too you that he is going to talk too you. There are many mixed messages in the last message you had said. He might take that the wrong way. I don't feel like you have caused any troubles at all. You are apologizing for not doing anything wrong. You only did not reply back, that is ok, you had a good reason why. In a relationship it is important to communicate. I feel you both are able to communicate, but he is waiting to talk too you about something he wants to say. Now you need to wait for him to respond. You have said what you needed to say. Now he needs to tell you how he feels.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What happens if he don't respond and just leaves it like this
I feel that he will respond because he will want to explain himself. He wanted to talk too you about something and I think it is important. I think he wants to explain his life in hopes that you are understanding. He wants you in his life but he is nervous because his life involves being a father and he knows that you would be a part of their lives as well. He wants you to feel like you are first in his life, but he also needs to be first in his children's lives. If he does not respond today, I'm going to have you contact him again and I want you to word things differently so that he knows you are very supportive of him being a father and you know that the children are so important in his life and that you think it's wonderful that he is such an amazing father to his children.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What magic words can I use to compel him to talk to me and want to see me again. I want to intrigue him again.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Give some key phrases to say to compel him to talk to me.

This is what I want you to say. Remember the first time we met. describe a moment when you first met. It helps to remember when you first started dating or became interested in each other. I was so intrigued by you and my feelings for you began to develop. We have been seeing each other for 5 months now and things have been great. Then I want you to describe your personality a little bit. like this, I know I can be quiet some times when I am thinking about us, but I also can be very expressive about my feelings for you. But it's because I care about you so much and I want what is best for you. We have a wonderful relationship and I feel we can get through anything together. Learning about each other is what we need to do and understand each other. But this takes time and give me a chance to love you because I know we can be great together.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So its been over a week and he hasn't called. I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer, so I left a little message about talking? So now what? Is he done with me, if so why not say so. I don't like that. Thats not mature.
He right now is avoiding the issue. he needs to talk things out with you in order to solve the problem, but right now he is not willing to do that with you. What has happened is he is still upset, but in order to fix things, he needs to tell you how he feels. I want you to text or leave a message about how he needs to tell you how he feels and why he is not talking too you right now, that you want to solve things. Ask him if there is a solution to this problem because ou want to work things out. That you want a second chance, but you both need to talk to have a good relationship together.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I sent a text to him with the things you suggested and still no answer. I feel the silence and the avoidance means he's done with me. Is this true?
I would wait until you respond again, you texted him, I would give it some time. If he does not respond after you do not respond, he is not ready to talk.