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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7608
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I have been in a relationship for five years and I have always

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I have been in a relationship for five years and I have always paid for my meals when we go out to eat and anything else we do I pay my own way. He never pays for anything for me. Is this normal?
You asked, "is this normal?". The simple answer is, 'Yes, for the two of you it is"

The longer answer is that you have, as they say, 'created a monster'. There's a pattern established and it will be difficult to break it, but you can and you should.

First, the next time you have plans to go out, speak up and say "I'm going to give you the honor of being a gentleman this time and paying the way".

To ease the shock and pain to his wallet offer to take care of the tip and be sure to bring $5 & $1's so you can cover it exactly, not have to ask for change and not have the complication of using two methods of payment on the check (his card and yours).

No more 'borrowing' from him. That solves the annoyance of his keeping a ledger in his head, which is just horrible.

--- To be honest with you, it's a pattern that suits him and bothers you. It will always suit him and always bother you. It's going to do nothing except get worse and your resentment will grow. Just by your nature you'll slip back into your generous ways and he'll happily take advantage.

So the decision will have to be made: Can you live with this?

Perhaps if he understood that the cost will end up being the relationship if he doesn't loosen up, he'll loosen up. Either way, one of you has to move toward a compromise if not a full-out change. Since you're the one here asking for help, it seems to me that you're going to have to lead this man to where he needs to be in order to have a thriving and happy partnership.

Good luck - and know this: You are not the only woman with a relationship like this. It's far more common than you think. It doesn't make it right, but it happens.

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