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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My relationship with partner disolved and unable to move on

Customer Question

My relationship with my partner has since dissolved and we are no longer together. I do need some further advice on the situation. The following day, my ex partner and I were discussing our day at his place when he blurted out I want to break up with you. I was completely stunned since we had patched up our relationship a few weeks before. All he was able to say was that he didn't have the same feelings for me as he did before. The problem was that up until three days prior, everything was functioning as a regular couple, talking and spending time together. It has been three weeks since and I am still unable to come to terms with his discussions. That night, I tried to discuss things over with him but he not willing to do so saying that we will talk about it at another time, we will get together later and he would get his things at a later date. Of course, I was emotional and tried reasoning with him but he isn't the emotional type.


With all the stress of our divorces, his custody battles, his unemployment and his continous broken promises, his only stressor he could get rid of was me. Later stating to mutal friends that he was in a happy place at the moment and liking it (minus me in his life). Over the course of a few weeks, I tried to have him pick up his stuff from my place so we can both move on. I had to drop of his things at his house. He was unwilling to do it. For me, I needed everything of his removed from my place, so it would be easier for me to heal. At this point, I haven't. We have spoken briefly over the phone (I calling) wanting to talk. He has answered all the phone calls and the conversations have been light, cracking jokes and typical for us. Our latest conversation detailed many personal events and things that we going on over the past few weeks, both us communicating prior to our split up. We both admitted we missed each other, he was willing to hang (his word for spending time together) and he was still doing the same things I always had him do for me (get certain items, tape my favorite shows,) tell me what he is doing every day. Through mutual friends and networking, he admitted he was missing his girl, that was his pet name for me when things didn't work out or we couldn't keep our plans. Of course, I brought up the reason we split up and he became defensive (typical response to anything emotional) and I suggested it might not be a good idea to talk or hang for a while. He didn't come out and say directly leave me alone. He said sort ta maybe. Now, I am completely confused because of the mixed messages I am getting. I know he is having a hard time with this because I can tell from his voice and knowing who he is. The problem is that I know he is the one. I just know. I am not saying at this point right now I want to get back together but in the future once things have settle down. He has alot of issues and problems to work on as a result of his divorce ("forced into a marriage, continued battle over the children and finanical obligications). He knows that when I was around, I provided that safe haven for him to retreat to when his children were kept from him. His own family says that he is a better man and father with me in the picture. I provide stability and a sense of happiness (in their words). What should I do? I am moving on at the moment but the pain isn't and it can become crippling. I am seeking counseling and therapy but it doesn't seem to be giving me the answer I am looking for. The day of the break up I was going to approach him about seeking counseling. Please help

Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
He has made his choice and it's not a mixed message. He has said I don't want to be together. As long as you "hang" he will let it happen. He will still be uncommitted and you will still be getting your feelings hurt. That may or may not change but that is the way it is now. YOu are setting yourself up to get your feelings really hurt. You are playing as a couple but in reality he refuses to make a commitment. He has all the benefits of a relationship but none of the risks. You will do what you think is best but you could be miserable in the end. I think you should go to counseling and work past him. You don't feel the same way as he does.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.

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