How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question
Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I really appreciated your quick response and your advice. My

This answer was rated:

I really appreciated your quick response and your advice. My relationship with my partner has since dissolved and we are no longer together. I do need some further advice on the situation.

The following day, my ex partner and I were discussing our day at his place when he blurted out I want to break up with you. I was completely stunned since we had patched up our relationship a few weeks before. All he was able to say was that he didn't have the same feelings for me as he did before. The problem was that up until three days prior, everything was functioning as a regular couple, talking and spending time together.

It has been three weeks since and I am still unable to come to terms with his discussions. That night, I tried to discuss things over with him but he not willing to do so saying that we will talk about it at another time, we will get together later and he would get his things at a later date. Of course, I was emotional and tried reasoning with him but he isn't the emotional type.

With all the stress of our divorces, his custody battles, his unemployment and his continous broken promises, his only stressor he could get rid of was me. Later stating to mutal friends that he was in a happy place at the moment and liking it (minus me in his life).

Over the course of a few weeks, I tried to have him pick up his stuff from my place so we can both move on. He was unwilling to do it. For me, I needed everything of his removed from my place, so it would be easier for me to heal. At this point, I haven't.

We have spoken briefly over the phone (I calling) wanting to talk. He has answered all the phone calls and the conversations have been light, cracking jokes and typical for us. Our latest conversation detailed many personal events and things that we going on over the past few weeks, both us communicating prior to our split up. We both admitted we missed each other, he was willing to hang (his word for spending time together) and he was still doing the same things I always had him do for me (get certain items, tape my favorite shows,) tell me what he is doing every day.

Of course, I brought up the reason we split up and he became defensive (typical response to anything emotional) and I suggested it might not be a good idea to talk or hang for a while. He didn't come out and say directly leave me alone. He said sort ta maybe.

Now, I am completely confused because of the mixed messages I am getting. I know he is having a hard time with this because I can tell from his voice and knowing who he is. The problem is that I know he is the one. I just know. I am not saying at this point right now I want to get back together but in the future once things have settle down.

He has alot of issues and problems to work on as a result of his divorce ("forced into a marriage, continued battle over the children and finanical obligications). He knows that when I was around, I provided that safe haven for him to retreat to when his children were kept from him. His own family says that he is a better man and father with me in the picture. I provide stability and a sense of happiness (in their words).

What should I do? I am moving on at the moment but the pain isn't and it can become crippling. I am seeking counseling and therapy but it doesn't seem to be giving me the answer I am looking for.

The day of the break up I was going to approach him about seeking counseling.

Please help.
You are in the healing process of this break up, but you both seem to be torn on being together. It sounds like you both could work this out and get back together if you feel this is what you want. You have a lot of things going on in your life that has caused some obstacles in the relationship. The divorces and custody battle, you both could never fully be focused on each other in this relationship. The effects of everything that has been going on in both of your lives has taken a toll. Going through these difficult times together can cause problems because you need the person, but your upset with what is going on in your life. It's hard to always be focused on loving each other. It's almost as if you have to put everything aside and focus on each other if you want to work things out. If your going through all these obstacles in life, it's life getting in the way of being happy with each other. You want everything in life to work out and some times you end up fighting for things that are so important and that becomes your focus. You can't think of anything else. If you both support each other through this difficult time, you will create a very strong relationship. It helps to know that someone is there for you when you need them the most. When life gets hectic and you know you can always go to that person for support. I know you are healing from the break up, but I do feel this relationship can be repaired it you want to get back together.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions