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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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my husband and i got married not even 3 weeks ago and he doesnt

Customer Question

my husband and i got married not even 3 weeks ago and he doesnt want to have sex. we have sex 2 times a week or so. he says i need to coax him.
this morning when i talked with him, he said dont worry about it, it will get better, im not looking anywhere or at anyone else. He said, "you are beautiful and gorgeous and sexy".
He's been saying sex would get better the last 2 years. i want to have faith but what do i do?
He also was hiding and lying about pornography 6 months ago right before he asked me to marry him. he said it was a stage, and that he is out of that stage now. i asked if he needed pornography to get excited and he said no. i feel at my wits end.
i buy and wear lengerie for him all the time and i have a great body and great personality. he says im his best friend.
??? i need help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
First do not equate sex with your not being attractive (as he has told you ). Nor is it that he doesn't love you. He is just having a hard time. this can be caused by a multitude of factors including age, stress, psychological condition, physical condition, etc. There are psychological conditions that include poor arousal. Before that you have urge him to see a medical doctor. There are several aids to help him get an erection. These should be checked. If he has a low sex drive than you have to discuss this as a couple and learn how to maximize on his potential. If he is willing to see a couples counselor even for a short time. It can just be to discuss this openly and teach you how to compromise. Please also get a copy of Mars and Venus In the Bedroom. Use this to discuss sex openly in the way that is specific to each gender

Men and women communicate about sex very differently. It won't increase his sex drive but it will help you to talk about it productively. If you are open to this discussion the resource will help you understand how men and women each meet the needs of the other

If this is helpful press accept

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I wanted to state that my husband is 31 and I am 27. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. He doesnt stay errect for very long and so the sex is not long.

We havnt had sex for about a week and he said he wasnt even "horny" during the past week.

do u think it is sex drive? he says he doesnt stay errect for a long time or "hard" for long because of the drugs he used to use.

When is it time to see a doctor ? and is it more mental health or a physical issue ?

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
He may need to have a physical to talk about why he has poor performance after quitting drugs and alcohol. Alcohol can effect sexual performance. It's hard to say if it is his sex drive or his lack of passion but he needs to start with the doctor. See doctor now and first. Then follow by psychologist if it isn't something physical