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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My mother is in a mixed-religion marriage. She used to belong

Customer Question

My mother is in a mixed-religion marriage. She used to belong to my step-father's church, but has in the last few years come to realize she does not believe in its principles, nor agree with the way the community behaves (she finds them to be judgmental and fearful of outsiders, and discriminatory toward women and gays). She has PTSD from a previous abusive relationship, and struggles with old memories and feelings. She lives rather isolated (she is out in the country, far from most family; and she is retired), and is considering returning to my step-father's church both for the sake of maintaining her marriage (her leaving the church was a strain) and for fellowship. However, she confided in me that she feels she is compromising too much. She would like a way to (1) maintain unity in her marriage and (2) be more social. What would you suggest for her?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
A marriage should be able to include two religions. Although religion is very personal so are the values of marriage. If she feels she is compromising too much it's probably because she is. If another religion is more comfortable for her she needs to decide if her values can be honored in dad's religion. She may be going because that is what he wants but what about what she wants. Can there be a compromise where he could go to her church once and she to his. As far as being more social she can find social activities in everything. In church, in women's groups, in book clubs, in hobbies, etc. Social activities are everywhere. It depends on what she likes, but social opportunities are in every newspaper, chruch, school, volunteer agency even the SPCA or the local colleges. Start one so that she gets her bearings.

Hope this was helpful. Press accept
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I think this question was too complicated for an answer in this format. The expert gave it a good try, but glossed over important facts (like the PTSD). Thanks for trying, but I think we're going to have to speak to a therapist in person.