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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My boyfriend and I have have been together for 4 years. We

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have have been together for 4 years. We met in college and have broken up quite a few times in between. I love him, but not sure if I am in love with him. I know he loves me more than anything in the world, but I dont know if I share the same feelings. I have cheated on him in the past (and never told him). I feel I am still young, but I am afraid to leave him again. I dont want to regret my decision in the future or hurt him anymore than I already have. We've broken up twice before, both my duings because I believed our relationship was lacking something... which I stillbeliev it is..There is no more passion between us..I am too young not to have passion and sex in a relationship right? What do I do? Leave him? Talk to him about things? Move on?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.



From what you've shared, it may be best to move on. If there is lack of passion and trust present, then why hold onto him? That won't be fair to him nor to you and neither will be fully satisfied or happy.


Age has nothing to do with passion. It is an emotional state of mind. Sexual intimacy issues are another thing and may be caused by different factors from depression to hormonal changes.


You've got to ask yourself what would be accomplished if you talk to him about the things you've shared in your post. What would you want to get out of it? That won't necessarily change how you feel towards him. Perhaps the flame of the relationship had burned out long ago.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I do not want to regret anything I choose to do.. I do not want to hurt him anymore than I have in the past. How exactly do I tell him the flame has burned out? Why doesnt he feel the same? We have sex every so often, I feel like we shoudl more.. but than I feel like I dont even want to..

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.


what response would you like to get? You've asked if you should "What do I do? Leave him? Talk to him about things? Move on?


Maybe I am not getting this right and will opt out so another person can shed more light onto your issue, but you are not emotionally invested in this relationship and even the last statement regarding sexual intimacy "but than I feel like I dont even want to.." indicates that you've already moved on in your mind and emotionally and you're yet to split up from him in reality.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do you think that the flame in a relationship can be re-ignited? I think you are correct when you say I've moved on in my mind, but I'm not too sure about emotionally yet. Maybe you are right, maybe I just haven't left him in reality. I guess I'm asking advice on what you think I should do, leave or work out the issues I have explained if they can be worked out. I'm confused and have been walking around with this feeling for a few months now. Its hard to confide in your friends about everything, especially when it come to your sexual relationship.

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