I don't "feel" that he doesn't love her, he told me for years he doesn't and he told her he doesn't. She told me he told her he doesn't love her. She rants and raves, calls me names, calls him names, but then says she wants to stay with him and where did they go wrong?
There is a strong sense of Catholic guilt in play here, she is wanting to stay together for family and honoring the wedding vows. He suffers from panic attacks and he was feeling pressured to meet the deadlines from the filing of the divorce papers, etc and told me everything was just closing in on him. He told me he needed to get over this hurdle so he could get back to us, he missed us, but then he turns around the next day and talks with her and calls me and says he feels it's the right thing to do to see if their relationship or close it but without me in the picture. I asked him who is he going to make happy doing this and he said, his mother, his kids and probably her (wife).
He has been struggling with his guilt, his not wanting to be the bad person, his not wanting the divorce to be about our relationship and his deserving to be happy. He is the type that sacrifices/martyrs himself. Finances are a big issue with him and he would call me and say "tell me I'm going to be okay", etc.
We were househunting, talking about moving in together, planning the future. Then he says all of this closing in has made everything muddy.
I haven't hurt this much in a long time and even though I deserve someone who would never have treated me this way, it still hurts. I've been told that he is "damaged" and I've dodged a bullet as I took on a caretaking role and would have that the rest of my life. But I'm having trouble going from constant contact with him to none and am wondering how he can do this as he relied on me for a lot?