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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been married for 26 years and it hasnt all been smooth

Customer Question

I have been married for 26 years . My problem is that I dont know what to do or how to deal with a recurring problem. My husband likes to spy on me, 8 years ago I have found holes drilled through the wall from the bedroom to the bathroom which caused an arguement and tears and an explaination to how I feel in no uncertain terms. 3 years ago I have found a camera mounted under the window architrave which he was watching on the spare TV when I had a bath. This caused a major argument and we nearly split up, we slept in seperate rooms for months. We decided to give it another go and were just starting to b happy again when I was in Sydney having a kidney transplant when I found a camera in the hospital accommodation bathroom (another huge fight) then I saw him out of the corner of my eye lookingin the bathroom window of the hospital accommodation. Since then he has tried to take photos through the bathroom window and last night I fond another sot that he was watching me from. Its very upsetting since he knows how much I hate it and he is welcome to come into the bathroom at any time, to help solve the problem I often shower with him. He always seems to do this when we are starting to get on very well. Please help or is it not possible to sole. I cannot dealwith this any more Cheryl
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You need to look at the reason why you feel like he does this type of behavior. It could be fear that something is going to happen and wants to always be watching to make sure your safe. This has been a constant problem and it doesn't look like he is going to change this behavior. You both need to talk about you needing to have your privacy that you can't be watched at all times. He also needs to explain why he does this and then you both can work things out. This type of behavior needs to be discussed. You both really need to explain your feelings and he needs to explain his. If you could understand why he does this then it would help solve the problem.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

We have talked and talked about this till the cows come home, he knows how much it hurts me and he just keeps doing it. Strange that all the spying is in the bathroom, I dont think that has anything to do with making sure I'm safe but spying for his own pleasure.Asking me to explain how I feel is not the answer as this has been done over and over. Trust and respect are a little thin on the ground right now.


Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I know you have talked about this a lot, but has he ever explained to you why he does this behavior?