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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, My twin children are now 2 years old, their father left

Customer Question

My twin children are now 2 years old, their father left when they were 6 months old - I don't think they have any recollection of him living with us - he lives on the other side of the World so sees them once a month via skype (this is because I feel they need to know they have a daddy - I insist he continues some form of contact) I have introduced him to them as Daddy.

The problem is that I am beginning to feel I would like to have physical contact with someone else, but don't want to rush into dating because I don't know how that will affect the children and I don't have any childcare options - do I meet dates whilst taking the kids to the park - I don't want to invite dates into my home, but I can't leave my children? Am I destined to not date until they are much older? I am happy with my life with them and don't want to live with someone or find another partner, but it would be nice to kiss someone and to feel that I am attractive to the opposite sex?

Their Daddy has now also said he would like to come over to the UK and visit us at some point in the next year - do I let him stay at in my home - will it have a negative affect on the children?

can you help me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

This is always a tricky situation. You can date but you have to stop with trying to control every aspect of the situation. If you need to be overwhelmingly protective then don't date. It's not fair to him. If you don't want them introduced to several guys, then have the babysitter or provider take the children out for ice cream or find sitter where you take them there. If you can't leave them then don't date. Or meet the person at a restaurant where you can talk over a meal. No one is going to date if they have to meet you in the park. You can't maintain this bubble and have romance. It doesn't happen. You can't relinquish someone to the park and want physical affection. It's up to you but you are not being fair. If you have a long term relationship the children would need to respect that



You don't know for sure about pedophiles but you will know when they gravitate to being excessively attenttive to the children. Check the Sex Offender Registry first



If this was helpful press accept

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

This wasn't very helpful - I am concerned about the affect of any of this on my children - I don't see my actions as being 'overwhelminly protective' as you put it. I believe putting my children first would make me a good mother.


I am happy to put dating on hold if the children will be negatively affected by it - as for being unfair to a potential date - they are not my priority - my children are. You have made no reference to how children of this age could be affected - if at all?


And you have not helped at all regarding their father coming to visit. Perhaps you are not the right person to help me at this time.


I am also concerned that you do not know how to spell paedophile.