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Ok so my boyfriend just left to go to the east coast to visit

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family and friends for a...
Ok so my boyfriend just left to go to the east coast to visit family and friends for a week. And I realize that all my past fears and triggers are starting to come up. In a past relationship when I was on vacation and I tried to reach them they took forever to get back to me and when I returned they decided to end the relationship.

So last evening, I text my boyfriend since he's in DC and all this stuff on Bin Laden is happening so I wanted to see if things were crazy there. I know this sounds petty, but its been over half a day and still no response. I know he could be busy but he usually gets back to me in at least a few hours. So its bringing back that old trigger so I'm scared that he's like done with me. Is that fear valid or is it just my past that's haunting me?

My last communication with my boyfriend was the night before when he text me to let me know that he got to DC safely. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I'm not quite sure.
Submitted: 6 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 6 minutes by:
5/2/2011
Counselor: Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 6 years ago
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Hi,

 

"Is that fear valid or is it just my past that's haunting me?"

 

Unless you've got solid evidence that something is taking place, then you're over interpreting the situation because of past conditioning. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Even if you worry and experience anxiety, this in itself will not change what he is doing(if he was doing it)

 

Since you're quite aware of what is taking place within you mentally and emotionally, it would be best to redirect that energy onto changing your perception of the situation. How you feel largely depends on what you tell yourself and what you believe. In a way, you may be sabotaging this relationship because of the past baggage that you are still carrying on. In any solid relationship, trust is very important.

 

When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships by David Richo (Paperback)


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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

I see what your saying. I guess its not him cheating on me that I fear, but more that he's avoiding me or trying to slowly or fast, whichever, cut ties and break up with me. Even though to anyone else its a stretch, because of what I experienced it makes me nervous.

 

So right now, I feel like I'm just waiting. If he responds back it will calm my nerves, and then if he doesn't I'll just feel worse. I know there could be a million possibilities like his phone is not receiving my message or he's busy, etc. I just hope that there is a way for me to get over my fear and maintain a relationship with someone who is pretty easy going. I feel like all this fear and panic happens in the background and he doesn't even know it. I consult my friends and pray and yet my fear is still there.

Counselor: Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 6 years ago

"If he responds back it will calm my nerves, and then if he doesn't I'll just feel worse."

 

Being able to control your emotions and not let them depend on others behavior/external circumstances takes practice. You can eventually get to that point and be able to manage your anxiety and worrisome nature (as long as you work on it). While he is away, try to do something special for yourself- meet with friends, go shopping, get your nails done, etc. Taking your mind off of the things that are anxiety provoking is the beginning of learning how to manage your own thoughts and subsequent emotions.

When he gets in touch with you, instead of sounding anxious, you can share what you've been up to.
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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