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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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My husband and I have been married for 3 years know and have

Customer Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 years know and have a 10 month-old son. We usually interact together pretty well but every couple of weeks we get in big fights that usually have to do with something like him not wanting to go with us to the park or getting out of the house in general...i mean he goes sometimes...but it can be really disappointing and I tell him this and he tells me he just didn't want to go. I usually go anyway and do what I want to i just being inflexible...what should I do here? We both sometimes call each other names when we get into arguements and I don't know if I should just shrug it off and realize that may happen at times or how to handle it? Please help
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.

Can you give me some more information?


What bothers you the most about him not going?

a. what he does instead at home

b. you like his com]any and you miss him

c. you feel rejected and abandoned

d. you feel he is not being supportive of family unity

e. something else (if so what?)

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
B and D I would say. I work and go to school all week and he stays home with our son right now and D because I know he probably wants some time away from his son its just I have always pictured our little family tight knit and when he doesn't want to go it makes me feel like we may not be feeling the same about having a tight knit family.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
You want him to want to be with you and the baby more than he wants anything else and when he doesn't you feel bad. That is normal and understandable. You try to control him and he resists and a fight ensues. You might try this when he says 'no' to going with you, just smile at him and tell him you love him and you love being with him and you will miss him, then go without him. Now you are attracting him rather than compelling him. Attraction won't work all the time, but it will work more of the time than anything else, and with out the fighting too. Keep trying to not take it personal and keep reminding your self that he needs some time alone, as you mentioned above. The way to get him to spend more time with you and your child is to do more things together that he likes. An example of this would be: provide him with a special surprise when he does go to the park with you. (what would be special to him is only my guess, but you would know, maybe he likes sweets, or to be touched, or complements or ?) . If you don't know what he likes the most, think about it, figure it out, and inconspicuously incorporate it in the activity. ( a good book on this topic is "The Five Love Languages")
Finally, it is very normal to have different needs and interests in marriage and to get frustrated with each other. It's also normal to try to change each other, but trying to change the other person doesn't work to well. You sound very busy, so you have little time for extra reading but as you can slip some reading in on marriage, it is always a work in progress. Good luck.

Please let me know how it is going.
Mark Manley