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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Been with boyfriend for just about 2 years, haved lived together

Customer Question

Been with boyfriend for just about 2 years, haved lived together for almost 1 year. Both of us have previous marriages. In my first marriage, we both cheated on each other, numerous times. I told my new boyfriend about this, and now my past is haunting me. He thinks once a cheater always a cheater. To make matters worse, he has always been an insecure person, due to the demise of his first marriage. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that had I told him about my past from day one, he would've only considered me "for fun". That makes me feel like I'm not a worthy person, do not deserved to be loved. He has consistantly asked me pointed and direct questions about 1st marriage, which makes me feel uncomforable. Lately, when we talk, the past is just always thrown back at me, he says he can't trust me because of my 1st marriage, which was 19 years, I'm so tired of feeling like a worthless piece of trash.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You have to talk until he does know how it makes you feel. Use "I" statements to get your point across. "I feel really worthless when you ask about the cheating all the time". You have to find a way to get this across. If you want a cute source on communication try "Mars and Venus Together Forever". He may still dwell because he is insecure but those methods may help. Find ways to make him secure besides this interrogation. Ask him about this. Find small ways to build trust. Schedule date nights that make both of you feel more special. Have this quality time with no arguments. Try it.