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Ask psychlady Your Own Question
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I just started a relationship with a girl from work a friend

Customer Question

I just started a relationship with a girl from work a friend of hers told me that she thinks im cute and likes me alot but I was too shy to ask her out for quite awhil but I finally built up the courage and our first night together we slept together and through our texts I could tell that she really liked me alot but soon I got too needy and she pulled away and it went from her calling me sweetie and wanting me to be with her all of the time to being distant she still acts like she likes me when we are together but I am not convinced anymore I think her friend is putting bad things in her head because she told me that her friends boyfriend is in love with her after two weeks and all of a sudden after her friend starts having problems it goes from us being a great couple to we are just talking and her never calling or texting me my friend told me that women decide whether they like someone within the first 10 seconds and there is nothing I can say to make her stop liking me but her actions are telling me otherwise I am just very confused with the whole situation I like this girl alot I don not want to mess this up thanks alot for the advice.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I think women decide on a attraction in the first 10 seconds but love, fidelity and trust take much longer. If the two of you are not compatible, then there is nothing you can do. People date and decide later that there is not chemistry or compatibility. You can't convince her otherwise if that is the case. However you can approach her about what is bothering you and see if it can be resolved. Many things are worth talking about and can be resolved quite easily. You can't change her feelings but you can find out what has changed. See if you can get to the bottom of this before you panic.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Well the thing is I already have she posted on her facebook something along the lines of I just cant seem to find a guy that knows how to treat a girl so I am going to stay independent and do me making reference to getting her hair and nails done so I posted wow that didnt last long and left a sort of nasty text and she said that thats not what she meant by the post but did not say what it was she really meant then later apologized and she didnt text back. Then that night we went on our first official date after the first night we spent together outside of work and we both had a great time we had plenty of conversation and we both have alot in common I kept a smile on her face most of the night it was really a great date so I figured for sure that would turn it around and get us back on track but nothing has really changed other that her talking to me more at work because she is less shy towards me, she was too nervous to talk to me before I gave her my number and we started texting back and forth. The thing is almost immediately after we started talking she acted like she was in love wanting to move in together and she would say things on facebook like I wish my hunny was here to take care of me when she was sick and would text me every chance she got but as soon as I started reciprocating the affection she mentioned the thing with her friend and her boyfriend and said that she wanted to take things slow and then all of a sudden we are just talking not dating I just cant help but think that her friend is poisoning her for some reason.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. It definitely is confusing. You don't know the reason though. Something had to have changed for her to be so different, but the only way to know for sure what the change is about is by asking her. Sometimes people waste a lot of time in dating relationships by playing guessing games. You may be totally off base. Find out from her. Don't try to gauge her actions or guess her thoughts. Find a quiet way to ask her what has changed. She may let you know exactly what happened and what she wants to do now. Find out if there is anything you can do. Don't waste any more time
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
ok I will try again but it just seems like everytime I ask her questions about our relationship she wont give me a straight answer and pulls away further it seems like she wants to be in control of how fast the relationship progresses so I sort of stopped pushing and am putting the ball in her court but she is sort of leaving me out in the cold she will not initiate conversation anymore or call or text me is there anyway to figure this thing out sort of covertly without seeming needy or pushing her away? It sucks not talking to her but I have stopped calling and texting her and am waiting on her to make a move but so far nothing has come of it this girl is making me crazy I am just at a complete loss
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I understand your concern. It does make you crazy when someone you care about is pulling all the strings. But you can't change it alone. You may be right about her pulling back. You know her. Try to step back if she is that apprehensive. Stay connected but allow her to feel she is in control. See what happens when you wait for her to come to you. She may find that you are a good guy and in the end misses the relationship. Don't panic yet