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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Me and the girlfriend have just split up- she has a 2yr old

Customer Question

Me and the girlfriend have just split up- she has a 2yr old daughter from a previous partner of 6yrs. They split cos they weren't getting on and he was cheating on her. She had rules about the relationship we were in- like I couldn't stay over when her daughter was with her and she wouldn't kiss me or show affection in front of her daughter. Also she doesn't like leaving her daughter with people for too long as she can be a bit full on. So we wouldn't be able to arrange a holiday together unless it was a long weekend away when she didn't have her daughter. Then recently she started having doubts about how she felt about me, saying it's been 5 months and she can't see a future at the moment but I'm the type of bloke she wants. She said she really likes me and misses me when I'm not about, she also said she could be making a big mistake and could realise that at some point. Whilst together she would ask me if I was getting fed up of the situation(which is only staying over hers every other weekend and going over some evenings for a couple of hours then going home.) She has said I've been perfect to her and she couldn't ask for more but feels she isn't giving me what I deserve and feels she can't give me what I want-whatever that is! She has recently said she misses me again by email and then says she shouldn't contact me but it's hard not too. Now I really like her and feel it's a relationship that still has something left in it and I'm sure she does too deep down! She worries about money etc and doesn't want to give anymore time to her ex then he gets already with there daughter, which I understand after the way he treated her and is.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You can convince someone to be in a relationship and that may be what you are doing. It doesn't work. You can however to talk to her about how you feel and the positives that you found in the relationship. If she is receptive you can then find compromises in the daily living in terms of her daughter. Give her time. It may not be you. She has been hurt and abandoned. You have to take that into consideration. Start slowly before going in all the way Maybe you can learn to date first. Allow her to voice her fears and grow from them. Find out if she is open to any relationship and on what terms. this can work if she is ready; not if she isn't
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
After my previous question, Me and the gf have decided to start dating.
Now she said she feels this is best and makes her happy cos she isn't ready for a relationship.
She has also said that she didn't feel right for us to just end.
But just as before she says she misses me and that she doesn't want anyone else and there isn't anyone else. this time she said one night that she wished I could stay over, but she has rules when her child is home. to which I've respected for the 6 months together.
She recently told me she was talking about us with an older friend. Which I can only guess was all good, cos her friend said what's wrong then! And was totally confused by what my gf was saying. She also said that she was lucky I've stuck about and am up for dating her.
Now my gf has also been saying what happens if dating doesn't lead to anything serious!
And then coming out with the line what will be will be!
As you can imagine-I'm confused and have come very very close to walking away. Which she doesn't know. But I can't help but feel there is something good there!
And I know if I did walk she would be in touch with me saying she misses me etc.
Is she confused? Or does she not feel that much for me? I've been told to walk away and she'll come running-but I'm not into games and not 100% sure she would!

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I agree games never solve anything. I wouldn't be waiting for her to come back either. She may keep walking. You can't judge if she cares by physical interactions because that can be deceiving. The only way to know is to ask. Don't guess. Find knew and interesting ways to find out. You are doing well. Just try to find out as things progress. Take it slow but talk a lot. Try patience over games and you will always know that you about this with integrity
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What don't I ask? Feelings etc cos I'm not sure she'll want to hear or talk about them.
She is a very hard women at times and is quite independent!
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It's okay to talk and pursue discussions. if she pulls back, wait some time and then talk. Even independent women like to talk about emotional things. Just take is slow as you approach it