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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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I have been married to my wife for less than a year. we have

Customer Question

I have been married to my wife for less than a year. we have lived together for 5 years. she is having an affair. She has admitted that she loves this other guy and it looks like she will leave. she's presently back home with her parents, thousands of miles away from both me and the other guy. I'm not sure if she is having difficulty choosing or just having difficulty with the breaking up of our marriage. I'm pretty certain its the latter. I still want to make a go of it. I suggested we see a marriage counsellor but I have no reply.
So I guess my question is it worth pursuing the marriage counsellor option or do I just hav eto let go, and maybe hope the affair breaks down.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 6 years ago.
Hello and so sorry that you are experiencing this painful situation,

You need to give your wife time to think this though. No reply to the question about marriage counseling is an hard as it is to see. You will need to step back and she what her next move is. If she continues to withdraw, then letting go would be best for you (along with some individual counseling). If she seems unsure still, make the appointment with the marriage counselor to be ready if she agrees to it in a few days.

She might be feeling confused, ashamed and unworthy of your forgiveness. She may wonder if she will be able to gain your trust again. These things can be discussed in therapy if she moves towards saving the marriage.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is, it is too soon to tell what to do exactly. You should stand back and wait for her next move, then act accordingly.

Good luck, and again, so sorry for your pain.....
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Would I be right in thinking I should avoid contacting her?

If I should contact her (via instant messaging) what would be the best approach.


Thanks for your time.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I I added some 100 rm to the payment for you to give advice on the follow up question.
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 6 years ago.
Hello again,
Do not contact her. Wait for her to make the next move. When she does, however, I would simply say "I am here for you of you want me". BUT make absolutely sure that you mean this and that you are able to forgive her. If you have the slightest doubt about forgiveness, then your relationship is going to take a lot of work to survive.

I hope this helps...