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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ill try to be brief but Im needy. I dont trust talking

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I'll try to be brief but I'm needy. I don't trust talking to local health professionals - we are both senior Foreign Service in Afghanistan, and neither of us want to "have to" leave post. He has said in conversation that I was negative and "caused his reach out" to other women. He's very handsome and gregarious, and says we have to discuss this. I told him "terri" thought she would get him and he said "no way!" but then he had to go. This really reads like a very bad romance novel!! We've been together for 41 years, married 40, and I'm very, very hurt! I am afraid I will be hasty and hurt myself. I don't dare tell our adult kids because they will not forgive him - things have always gone his way...
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You can't push this under the rug because of your long relationship or the impact on your children. If this is so drastically effecting your self esteem then you have to seek professional help to deal with this. You should never feel like you could hurt yourself. No one is worth that. He has to be accountable. An affair isn't the partners fault. He went outside of the marriage and has to be responsible for that. Otherwise he gets off by blaming you. You have to stand your group and make him accountable. Then you work on the issue and get past it if that's what you want to do. You also need to have some support. If that means leaning on your children and telling them, then so be it. You are not the bad guy here. Demand respect whether through counseling or not. Don't take credit for this and let that be known to him
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