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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi. The dilemma continues. I wrote him a letter pouring out

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Hi. The dilemma continues. I wrote him a letter pouring out my feelings to him and yes, I took your advice and decided not to criticize or blame. He read the letter and we talked calmly and he said that he would also work on his part. He planned a trip for us to go down to Cape Town and I was thrilled. That would mean that we can get out of the house and into a defferent setting, we would spend time together because the he wouldnt be working and we could have fun as a couple again. Things went great for about a day an a half. Well, we were sort of discussing the trip, since he decided it would be a road-trip, then everything went pear shaped! I mentioned that if we stop anywhere, then I dont want to stay at a particular hotel. He asked me why I didnt and I just told him that its not really a big deal, I just heard that it wasnt so sanitary. Anyway, he made a big deal out of it, but apologized and said ok, we wont be staying there. But then I could see that his whole attitude changed and he became snappy. I then aske him, sine we hadnt finished talking about the details for the trip, What we were going to do. Then he snaps and me and says, what are we going to do what, why can you ask a straight forward question. Anyway, I tried to remain calm and asked him a straight forward question, what are we going to do, are we going to drive through the night or will we stay over somewhere. Then he said, You dont want to stay at this hotel, why, did some c**t take you there once, where you at the hotel with some other guy and thats why you dont want to stay there. I started getting mad at this point because why is he making a such a big deal about this and now we are aguing, yet again. I asked him why hes making such an issueabout it and does my not wanting to stay there have to be an issue. He got up and left the room, mumbling things like, it was just too good to last (meaning our non-fighting streak). So he comes back in the room and hes not speaking to me at this point and hes waiting for me t say something and I just knewthat he was blaming this on me yet again! I didnt say anything too, because I felt like it wasnt my place to apologize. He kept on drinking for the rest of the night. Its morning now and we were supposed to be leaving today and I dont think its going to happen. I couldnt sleep last night because all I could think about is, I cant carry on like this and its as if things between us are never going to come right. Im just so heartbroken!
I am sorry this ended so badly. It seems that you did a very good job following my advice. Maybe he just can't manage to compromise over a length of time. That is a sign that he is not ready to be in a relationship where there has to be room for discussion. He needs to participate in couples counseling because without compromise three is no relationship. Speak to him about this and why this is necessary. He must show motivation in order for there to be hope. He handled this very badly
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