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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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im talking to this girl who i have feelings for and show them

Customer Question

im talking to this girl who i have feelings for and show them towards her, but she gives me alot less attention then i do her. Shes very stuborn she thinks her opening up to me is her changing who she is shell tell me "im sorry baby i push people away i get close to" but i honestly think shes only doing it cause she feels like shell be not being who she is .... on another note shes very passive if she feels like the conversation is getting to deep she gets scared and pulls away shell start saying "its what ever" or "i dont care do what you do i guess" but its cause shes afraid, of what i dont know but i know her well enough to know that she is. I just want someone to tell me how to get her to not change cause i love her personality but to get her to not be so afraid to comitte to me and to not be so emotionally numb P.S. i know she likes cause she tells me but she just so quick to say if you dont want be with me...... or maybe we should think this relationship over and im like why are you so fast to give up in my head of course someone just give me a straight answer if the answer is to leave it alone then i guess thats what ill do
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

sorry I just woke up. She may have things in her history that has made her scared of being vulnerable. That is why a person pushes someone away while really wanting intimacy. They have learned to protect themselves against hurt. In the end, they may find they are very lonely because of this. You don't have to leave this alone unless you want to do so. You can be very patient and sympathize until she learns to trust your feelings and hers as well. She may begin to gradually trust her feelings for you rather than be scared of them. It will take patience but you may learn that she can be a devoted partner. In the end the decision is yours



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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
hey um i think we just broke up and it hurts real bad im here crying like a damn girl i think things need to be over but i know if she texts me tomorrow im going to take her back i dont jnow what to do if i continue with this i know its just going to lead to heart break over and over again please tell me something i need to here this happens all the time with women i dont know what to do please give me some advice it hurts to much
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
If you know being together will lead to heart ache then that is the answer. You just have to find the strength to keep this plan in motion. If you don't value your happiness no one else will either. Keep in mind that you have to break this pattern. If you don't keep your best interests at heart she won't either. When you go back to a relationship many times the same things are wrong and continue to be wrong. Ex's are that for a reason. You have to look out for yourself or you will continue getting hurt. The person that has to defend you is you. Find the strength to make a decision and carry it out. Going back will prolong your pain