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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Why does he delete my voicemails but not hers!

Customer Question

Ok so I overheard my kids dad ( our son is 5 months) going through his voice mail last night! Well we just started to work on things between us after he got caught running around with another girl a 21 year old , we are both 30.
As of late to get back in my good graces, he has brought me around his family more, gave me a 1000 dollar birthday gift, took my family out for dinner etc. He has been trying to work things out with me!
Well I left him a very nice voice mail the other day and he deleted it. Yet saved all the nasty voice mails from the girl he got caught with. Her voice mails were vicious and mine were very nice. Hers were about how much he hurt her and her having an STD etc.

He swears he does not care about her and that he is thinking about the long term for us and that she was just a 5 month fling, but I dont get why he deleted mine and saved hers, after he dumped her.

My mom seems to believe that he is feeling guilty about what has happened and that he needs to put me out of his mind or whatever to get past his guilt and that her nasty little voicemails are a reminder to him that he fudged up. And to remember that Im around his family and the other girl never has been!
Help me figure this one out
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I don't agree with you mom (sorry). I am concerned that those emails are to stroke his male ego. There really isn't any other way to explain having voice mails from someone who hates you who he is no longer seeing. Their nasty - who would want that. Not only are they there for no reason, but if he really cares how you feel, he would erase them just for that reason. That shows that he doesn't really respect your feelings unless you have not asked him to take them off. Be consistent and be firm that you need him to erase them. Then see what happens. He shouldn't need any voice mails. Try to establish firmer boundaries. Then when you want something and he ignores you, then you know what you are getting. Try this first
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
I want to know why he is keeping the voicemails!