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Ask psychlady Your Own Question
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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after a couple months dating i asked my girlfriend if we were

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after a couple months dating i asked my girlfriend if we were exclusive , ? dating , and seeing others ?..she had implied that she only sleeps with 1 person at a time ..her actions and body language and other "factors " make me feel otherwise . she could not answer my question , and after 1 week of me trying to bring it up " ever so gingerly " just trying to let her know that i have feelings about this , and to try to see my point of view . it escalated into a heated words , then she sent an e_ mail breakup , started avoiding calls , and texts .and basically blaming me for her getting her all scared ( she recently got out of a very severely physical beating from a former boyfriend less than 1 year ago )and feeling like she was feeling at that time , and then getting sick , to where she had to stay at home from work ... I'm just wondering how do i deal with someone who has these sort of issues , and also why she never takes accountability for maybe creating these misunderstandings , or whatever they are ??... i know there are more details you may want or need
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You can't create open communication when someone is not willing. The issues are going to be unresolved without both of you 100% on the same page and motivated to change them. She has to be there as well. When person wants an abrupt breakup the other person often is left stunned and regretful. You can attempt to bridge this gap and try to find ways to resolve this but if she has ended the physical ties and the emotional commitment then you have no choice but to let it go. This is probably what you don't want to hear, but you can't have a relationship when both of you are not committed to do so. You are investing time instead of moving on. I urge you to consider that.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
the last couple days i stayed away from contacting her ..she has contacted me , and is willing to talk about it all ... although i do believe she dosnt wantanything serious with me ...but how do i deal with someone who I feel has deep emotional scars of this nature ??..she dosnt want anyone to get close to her ( me ) ..she then backs off hard
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
This kind of behavior is common with someone with a history of abuse. it is very hard to get them to commit and when they do they can back off when things get too emotional. You and her would have to learn how to deal with this which is difficult in the best of circumstances. If you wish to continue this then find a way to communicate effectively and make a agreement to do so. This may be a more difficult relationship than with someone who has a healthy background. Consider this in deciding what to do. She may be willing to resolve the present issues but what about her history? Make your decision on these grounds.
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