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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi I broke up with my ex girlfriend 8 months ago as she wanted

Customer Question

I broke up with my ex girlfriend 8 months ago as she wanted more from our 5 year relationship, unfortunately I could not give her more as my mother was terminally ill at the time. I expected her to understand and wait until my mum died but she decided she wouldnt and ended the relationship.

8 months on I still miss her so much I am looking for a way to try and reconnect with her unobtrusively, I was considering sending flowers with a simple miss you message to test the water, can you advise if this is a good idea or any other way that might be appropriate.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

That sounds very sweet but this will definitely open up old wounds. You have to be prepared for the "answer" if you do this. You have to ask yourself what your expectations are and why you really want to do this. Are you setting yourself up for failure?


If you want a friendship, then romance is not the way to go. If you want to start a relationship back then keep in mind that the old problems will still be there. She may be just as dissatisfied as before.


If you are in a place where you are focused on your family issues, I would let it go. If you wish to renew the relationship then that is appropriate. But what will be different. If nothing has changed then it is best to let it go. If you want to rekindle the relationship and you have your life stabilized, then send the flowers.


Decide your motives before sending flowers

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have since found out that she is dating another guy which obviously breaks my heart, part of me says if you love her let her go and another part says if you do nothing then nothing will ever happen hence why I should send the flowers. What do you advise?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Flowers are a sweet gesture but it is likely that she is not in a receptive place right now. If you talk to her text or whatever and she is not receptive flowers won't change anything. You may be setting yourself up for heartache in waiting for her to acknowledge this. It is best to let it go and if she and the guy don't work out then that is your opening. Sometimes doing nothing is all you can do
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
It is not that she is unreceptive to my text and gestures. I mean I sent her a christmas card she thanked me, I wished her a merry xmas on Christmas day she replied wishing me the same, I wished her a happy birthday by text she thanked me. It has always been me that has tried to keep in touch, until very recently she sent me a text from nowhere saying that she has forwarded mail to me and hoped I was ok. This to me was very strange as all the mail previously was simply sent in the post with the address changed..Dont know what to make off it, was she simply being nice or is it a softening I dont know
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
The only way to know for sure is to ask. That way you don't mislead yourself. Up until now she could have just been trying to be nice. I would ask and see what you get because of the change

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