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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I cant stop thinking about him. My boyfriend left for 5

Customer Question

I can't stop thinking about him.

My boyfriend left for 5 days to celebrate Mardi Gras with 2 of his friends. He doesn't call or text me much. When he does call it's because he needs me to do something for him.

He's been staying out all night partying/clubbing. (That sort of bothers me because he's told me before how much he hates clubbing).

Anyway, I can't sleep at night, I'll maybe get 3-4 hours of rest and wake up again thinking about him. I worry, I get upset, I get angry. I don't like doing this to myself. I have things to do, homework to complete, tests to study for, but I can't do any of it because my mind is preoccupied with him.

I want to stop thinking about him. I want to stop obsessing because that's what I feel I am doing. I want to be clear headed so that I can complete my work. How do I go about doing this?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
If your boyfriend is participating in activities that raises the possibility that he may not be doing the right thing, then it has more to do with him and less to do with concentration. Although that is effected too. I would resolve it so it is not bothering you so much. We want to treat the problem not the symptom. Have a long discussion with him about how his clubbing concerns you, what your fears are (cheating), and how this is effecting the relationship. Staying out all night is not conducive to a trusting relationship. Set firm boundaries that make you feel secure. This has to be resolved and all of your symptoms will too.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
This is very hard for me to say, but I just don't trust him. I'm not sure why and he's has asked me "What have I done for you not to trust me." I don't believe he has done anything that warrants my lack of trust. When he stays out all night, he tells me to trust him and not to worry...but I still do. He says that I do this to myself. That I put myself on this "emotional roller coaster." I just want to know how to get myself off of this roller coaster. I don't want to try and set boundaries because when I do, he gets upset and feels that I am trying to get him "whipped." He says that he would be perfectly fine if our rolls were flipped and I was the one going out. I wish I could be the same way.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I think you're right, I don't like feeling like this. And I really hate myself right now because I said it was ok for him to go, I let him go. I'm finding myself questioning the relationship quite often. But I can't help to think that it's my issue, my problem...I'm the one that's being jealous and untrusting.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It is not your problem. Separate your feelings from having yourself take all the credit for the problem. You take almost any problem in a relationship and it is never one person's fault. He played a part in that. Even if it means you are not meant to be together. My concern is just that you will reunite when you know it doesn't work or you will make yourself miserable waiting for that email or phone call. You deserve a great relationship and you cant have it if your heart isn't open.