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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Ive been dating someone for about 2 months. Weve had sex

Customer Question

I've been dating someone for about 2 months. We've had sex several times and I've had something happen that I'm not used to. I've lost my erection at the worst possible times. Sometimes I lose it and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm completely frustrated as this hasn't happend to me ever. I really care about her and I am so embarrassed. I've dated women before without any issues.

She takes birth control and I don't use condoms so that's not the issue. I'me turning 35 on Friday so I don't think it's age related.

What makes it so frustrating is I'll get an erection and when we are about to have sex I go soft.

I really care about this woman and she's been better to me than anyone I've ever dated.

What's wrong with me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. . I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. First, one always needs to check out if there is a physical reason for this or a psychological one. Since you have been able to perform with other women, it may just be psychological. But, it's important to check it out with a urologist. But since, I think from what you said that it is more likely psychological you should seek out a therapist. Here are some thoughts that I will pass on to you that I think you should consider.
You say and I quote you, " I really care about this woman and she's been better to me than anyone I've ever dated."So the question is are you able to have sex with womenthat you don't care for as much but when he it's intimate and close --- I mean emotionally, too, not just sexually,that you are having this problem. If this is so then a psychodynamic therapist can help you work this out. I would also still check out hormone levels --- both physical and psychological to rule out what the problem might be.

I'd be glad to give you a referral to a therapist. You would need one with postgraduate training so they will dig underneath and see what is going on --- unless it's just hormones. But, to repeat, you were able to perform with the other woman , so my guess is that it is psychological. The question is are you having sexual problems with a woman you care for but it's ok when it's just sexual?

I'll pause here and await your response so that we may continue with our chat. It is getting late here so I will respond tomorrow. In the meantime if you would give me your city, state and zip code I'll look for someone for you tomorrow morning.

I'll pause here and await your response so that we may continue with our chat.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I live in Orlando Florida. The zip code is 32751.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

To give a little more detail. The first time we slept together I put a condom on and lost my erection. I was embarrassed by this but she was ok and understanding. The next weekend we had sex and I didn't use a condom and I was fine. She and I have had sex where I did ejaculate on several occasions. Last week we were together and I lost my erection and it came back a few minutes later and we had great sex. Last night she was tired so we just went to bed. In the back of my mind I thought it was a good thing because I didn't want to have any sex issues. All day today I kept thinking about if we had sex tonight I didn't want to have any issues and sure enough I did.


I'm completely frustrated.

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You don't need to be worrying and suffering with anxiety over this. I'll find someone for you so that you can get to the bottom of this so that you don't need to suffer with anxiety everytime you want to have sex.
I'll look for someone and get back to you.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Not easy to find --- I've been looking and looking. Did find two with the right credentials.
Don't know if the first one is still in practice --- just call and find out.

John Schott MD
3968 Lower Park Road
Orlando, FL 32814-6308
407- 788-0565
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Eric Scott Wiener PH.D.
7353 W Sand Lake Rd Suite 202
Orlando, FL 32819

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Sorry about what got transcribed. Don't know what happened. But I think you can still read the info about Dr. Scott and Dr. Wiener.