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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am stationed in groton ct and my wife is stationed in bahrain.

Resolved Question:

I am stationed in groton ct and my wife is stationed in bahrain. We are both navy. I do not like the separation, neither of us do. When myself and the guys are having our bs sessions and talking about our lives, i commonly bring up my issues in an attempt to vent and get feedback. I mentioned this to my wife, i did not think it was a big deal, i actually thought it was healthy. she got a little upset and said i shouldnt be sharing our personal life with them. stating "what business is it of theirs? and who the hell are they to judge" I told her i appreciate the efforts she has made to get us co located. she has made a good effort, honestly. Am i not supposed to share how i feel about our situation with her?, other people? Or is it more reasonable to share with others without sharing with her? I always thought you were supposed to confide in your spouse about things bothering you. Or maybe shes getting frustrated because im bringing up issues neither of us can change right now. I would appreciate any advice.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

I think it's possible that she is overly sensitive because the situation is nothing you can change. This may be true in that she could feel slightly guilty about the situation and may feel that others are judging her. There is a second possibility. Different people have very different ways of resolving conflict or disclosing to others. She may just be a very private person and you are a very social person. Private people tend to feel very insulted when details about them are shared in a social setting. You may be a different kind of person and you are not threatened by such exchanges. Regardless of the reasons it is obvious that she sees sharing details about your marriage as an invasion of privacy. So from this point forward just use careful judgment as to what is and isn't off limits. You didn't do anything wrong. The two of you just have very different ways of finding acceptance or common interests in others. As far as what you disclose, that also is a personal decision. This can be resolved and is a common issue in relationships

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Was i being to sensitive by asking her before the end of the call " are you going to divorce me over this?, are we still on good terms".

Her response was " no im not divorcing you, and yes we are still on good terms and i love you".

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Think of it as not being too sensitive but as needing reassurance. There's no harm in that. Be grateful that you have enough communication skills in the relationship to ask and get a positive answer. That's the way it should be done
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