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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi - Met a great guy who is 12 years younger two months agao

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Hi - Met a great guy who is 12 years younger two months agao and we became very close, very soon. In the beginning, he was all over me. Could not be here enough. Everything was perfect. The food, conversation and sex was great. Awesome maybe. Just told me on Monday that he met someone else. Literally, just met someone that day. Our agreement was Friends with benefits, but I got way closer. Him too maybe. Now he is texting me again. Do I hang in there or do I leave? Not sure if he is testing me or if this is really over.  i think I love him
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
The problem with this was the whole premise for a relationship which is its boundaries. Both of you were functioning like a couple while trying to maintain a friends with benefits situation. The relationship is never defined and therefore is destined to crush someone's feelings.

If you are going to contact him you have to be more honest with him and with yourself. You will never be happy trying to pretend it is something it isn't. Don't renew the relationship on a lie. Tell him you may love him and the type of relationship you want. Start off strong. You have to consider however that he has had one incident where he was willing to abandon the relationship quickly and for someone else. That would concern me a lot. How much does he care that he would just move on like that and disregard your feelings. You have to be okay with this to move on in an effort to reunite
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I agree that we never defined boundaries. However, we both used (maybe me more), that we loved each other. When you say be more honest with him and myself, I am not sure what that means. I would be happy to go back to where we were. I am not sure what kind of relationship I want. He might have been willing to abandon the relationship because I was not too nice the last time we were together, then he tried to be together again and I thought it would be good to play hard to get and said no. He is very considerate of my feelings in that he told me (which was our agreement) and I think he may have been testing me. Do you think the same? That will make all the difference. I should also say that I am coming out of a seven year relationship and just bought my own house. Josh was so supportive of of this.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
The hard to get part probably wasn't a good idea. That usually isn't all of it, but he may have felt a sense of rejection. If you were to talk to him, I would let him know that you did not mean for this to cause any hard feelings. In the end, the two of you can start fresh if possible and always be straight about your feelings. It may not be hopeless at all but just know where you are emotionally - be upfront and state your feelings so that both of you can make an informed decision
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

So, do I contact him and tell him how I feel?

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I would contact him and tell him. You didn't do anything horrible. Explain that you wanted to get his attention but went about it very wrong. See how he responds then

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