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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I need some advice. I have strong circumstantial evidence

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I need some advice.
I have strong circumstantial evidence that my wife has been having an affair since this time last year.She confessed to this on a web forum, having ongoing dialogue with some there about it.
We have been going to counselling as she withdrew normal affection from last april, after pyscho therapy broke down because she couldnt discuss the physical things.( my wife has viginismus and the marriage is not consummated since its inception in march 2005.)
I am in two minds whether to discuss this affair with her or ignore it and we are meant to be going away for a two day break to celebrate our anniversary, but i just feel tense and upset and not able to even think about this. I only found out this information last sunday.
Whats your advice for this situation? I would really appreciate your imput.
Should i speak to a friend about it as i am feeling some major tension? : (
Whatever makes you feel better and less tense you should do before the anniversary. Definitely before. I never advise to ignore an affair or even a probable affair. The ideal is to discuss this right away in counseling. If not, then find time before the anniversary to discuss it between the two of you. Going without doing so probably would result in it being severely stressful to you and not to mention that you won't enjoy yourself (and lead to you fronting that you are enjoying yourself). Find a quiet time to discuss this affair and your evidence. You can start non accusatory by saying that you ran across information that claimed she was having an affair.

Proceed with that information but either way resolve in counseling. You may not be able to celebrate the anniversary depending on this discussion. If she admits it then there is a lot to be resolved including the impact on this relationship. If she denies it you have to decide if you believe her response. It is very probable that this celebration may not happen unless you choose to put up a very big front.

Discuss this with someone understanding whether it is therapist or friend. Proceed with whatever actions allow you to feel this is resolved
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