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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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Afraid to let go of ex that wont let me go.

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I have been with my now ex for 3 years. We had good times, but in retrospect he had emotionally abusive ways as well. I never hung out with my friends, if I did it had to be brief or he'd find something wrong with it, lots of control things. He was very good at manipulating things like that to make me think I was just crazy and it was never him. Long story short 6 months ago he told me i should move home and move on. In spite of everything i was devastated. I lived with him for the entirety of the relationship he is older and more established so it was my first time living out of my parents house (I'm 22). My life completely changed. Well over the past 6 months he has broken up and made up with me thousands of times and finally I was done with the limbo and back and forth of it all and said I can't do this anymore. The way I explained it is that once youve said goodbye to someone a million times and grieved and were crushed, you cab only repeat it so many times until enough is enough. I am and always have been a passive person that never sticks up for herself, so this was a shock for him. He won't
accept it and is making my life miserable. I never wanted to hurt him or be the bad guy in this but I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Now he is flip flopping
from I love you I'll do anything for you for one more chance (too little too late) to f***
you you stupid whore you're with someone you must be to feel like this you're dead to
me etc etc. I am more of a basketcase than ever. I'm proud for sticking to my guns but
I am terrified this will never end. He is a vengeful person but i know I don't deserve
this. I'm not perfect but he brought this on himself. I fear he will never move on so I
feel guilty for functioning in daily life without him. I don't go anywhere for fear of the
embarrassment of a phone battle with him. So instead I stay home when not working
and get hell. I know I need to stay strong but I'm afraid. I'm afraid he will harm himself or do something crazy. Help!
You are doing the right thing but you need more motivation behind your efforts. Change this whole thing around to a self-exploration regarding why you would accept any of his abuse in the first place. What is going on with you that you feel drawn back to this situation? This is a great opportunity for you to learn to value yourself much more highly than you have in the past. Your issue is not 'what do I do with him?' Your issue is 'what do I do with me?" How do I learn to value myself?
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