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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. he

Customer Question

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. he is 22, I am 19. We constantly fight. I feel nothing but anger, resentment, hatred, and sadness towards him. Every time I look at him I just want to bite his head off. I had two abortions because my husband would have given them hell because he did not want unplanned children. I think about it everyday and I am constantly sad. I feel like he has taken everything from me, including my freedom. Right now I am attending college and I am pursing becoming a nurse practitioner. I feel like my husband is a stupid loser who just delivers pizzas for a living and cannot commit to anything that will better our lives. Recently he was in college from February 7th - March 2nd and he dropped out because he did not 'like it'. This is the second time he has done so and he is very bright. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should stay in this miserable, gruelling marriage that I feel only takes my energy and gives me nothing, or if I should just leave. I had a great life before I got married to my husband, my parents took very good care of me and I had nice things and whatever I wanted. Since we have gotten married, even before we wed I made sacrifices. I promised things that I could not keep and now I feel as if he resents me because I made false promises on things such as I would be a housewife. I think I married him for the wrong reasons: status and also to get out of the house from fighting with my mother. He went through a deployment and changed completely because every single day we fought tooth and nail and had less than five nice talks on skype. I hate his family, I resent them all except his mother who recently left his adopted father of 20 years. He calls me his mother because I cry a lot...I am frustrated and I am not satisfied driving a stupid 5,000 dollar car that I have been reduced to and handing over all my money that I have made at my job. He never does anything for me except we go out to eat. He does no chores, he sleeps all day until he has to go to his lowly pizza job at 4 or 5PM and stays up all night doing god knows what and he watches porn. I'm just tired of this life. Whenever I am around other people I am happy and I have no issues with others, it is just him and his strange ultra-religious family. He recently also got a proposition to move out of the state and at first I got very mad and defensive about it because my entire family is here except for my sister, who will probably be moving here soon....then I made myself warm up to the idea because I knew that it would get us away from his ultra-religious redneck strange family. The only problem is where we are moving are even deeper and scarier waters: his sister who he is EXTREMELY close with. I just need help. I was going to go to a marriage counselor on Monday but our insurance expired and we cant afford new insurance. I just want to cry I hate this life and I hate who I am married to...but I don't know if I am just being selfish but he does nothing and he talks to me like I am dirt. Please help
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 6 years ago.
You don't have to grow up until you are ready, but you will have to suffer the consequences until you do.
When you are ready to take responsibility for your self, instead of saying, 'I think I married for the wrong reasons', you will say, 'I married for the wrong reasons.' Also you will acknowledge your part in conceiving unwanted children when you talk about that aspect of your relationship. etc. etc. You hate him for being irresponsible when you are very irresponsible yourself. The good news is you are your problem, he is a symptom. The reason this is good news is you are in charge of your solution. I know it's hard to grow up but if you decide to, you will find many more solutions to your pain. P.S. I think you are a very good writer.

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