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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I broke up with my girlfriend when I moved abroad in September.

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I broke up with my girlfriend when I moved abroad in September. She was very upset and wanted to stay together. Six weeks ago I told her I wanted her back and that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Her response was that it wasn't that simple and that she was dating someone else. She later said she didn't want to close the door completely. We have kept talking and she broke it off with the person she was seeing, and I have made many sweet gestures, and we have plans to see each other when I return, but now she says she feels overwhelmed by the situation. We haven't talked in a week.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
She broke off with the guy she was seeing and said when it comes to you and her she is not closing the door completely. She has now said she is overwhelmed by the situation only because she is scared. She wanted to stay together when you moved in September and you ended up breaking up with her. This would make her nervous that this might happen again, but she just needs to be reassured that this time is going to be different. That you are going to stay together and start a relationship again. You have mentioned you have done many sweet gestures and that is really nice. You have not talked in a week, why are you both not talking? Are you still in contact with her or are you giving her space? I think you both need to continue to talk things out and explain what you both want out of the relationship. You said that you have missed her everyday since you have been gone and you are confident that she is the right person. She needs to know that what you are saying is real. Remember she was upset that you broke things off when you went away and she was hoping that you both would stay in a long distance relationship. Now this is just a matter of time to work things out and reassure her that you both should be together. If she ended things with her boyfriend and hasn't close the door on the relationship, you both need to talk this out and see what the nest step is in getting back together.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes, I am giving her space at the moment. She spoke to one of my friends shortly after our last conversation when she said she was overwhelmed, and he said she was very frazzled and that I need to put the brakes on. I will see her within a few weeks, so I thought my best course of action was to not make her feel pressured into something.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I don't want you to give her space because she might think you are backing off and don't want to be with her. Your going to see her in a few weeks and you need to reestablish back this relationship, so that when you do see each other there is less pressure put on you both. You need to work things out, reassure her about how you feel. She would feel frazzled, but not in a bad way. Her emotions are just all over the place and I feel that together you need to work them out. You both can talk about how you feel about each other and where you want the relationship to go. You don't want her confused on what to do, you want to be there for her to help her understand you want to be with her and is there a chance for us.
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