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I have been married for 5 years. Together 13 years. Two kids.

I started loosing the “spark”...
I have been married for 5 years. Together 13 years. Two kids. I started loosing the “spark”, and feel board with my husband. I am more isolated, and in my thoughts. I changed, he did not. I compare him to the physicians I am working with .He is a businessman, but the business in slow. He is a wonderful person, I love him. However I became interested in someone, form my background, that shares my language, and interests. We’re friends now, without benefits. I need my friend, I like him. He fills the gap of missing education, culture, and language, my husband lacks. I am afraid to be alone, and can’t even think of any drastic move, for the sake of our still love and kids. But started felling depressed. My friend does not offer much, he is afraid of consequences, but we became big soul mates. I am afraid of letting him go as well. We talk a lot, meet for a coffee. I do think of him a lot. We wish we could afford to be together, but there nothing but restrictions. First time in my life, I started feeling dissatisfied, and a bit unhappy. I find it hard to deal with this situation, but I know what the wise woman should do…. I just refuse to do it. Can you please, advise me?
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Answered in 44 minutes by:
3/3/2011
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Verified

Mark Manley :

The key is you "are afraid to be alone".

Mark Manley :

This fear keeps you from making great relatioship decisions. You come to your relationships in a dependent condition and then settle for whatever you can get. In other words you are not free to ask, " what do I want" instead you find your self settling for what you think you must, to avoid being alone. To get a richer relationship with your husband or someone else you must first deal more with your own fears.

Customer:

if my friend were more clear of what plans he has for me, i would have a better idea.but, Mark, all i hear from him" where is it gonna go?, let's stay fiends for the rest of our lifes, and have coffee, together without any risks".

Mark Manley :

I am talking to you about you, and you are talking about other people. I know your not used to it and it can be scary, but you need to learn to look at yourself and confront your self to improve your relationships with others. Finding lasting happiness has everything to do with you and very little to do with your husband or your friend. I suggest you reread the first messages I sent you and see if you can respond to them.

Customer:

i don't know how to deal with my fears.... Lately, there are so many of them, it started affect my well being.

Customer:

Mark, it is so simple, but you opened my eyes, that i have to face me, to resolve all of this. i include and blame everyone else... how do i know < what's right? i feel so confused

Mark Manley :

Good job! The first step in dealing with your fears is to ackowledge them. It is tempting to run from our fears and busy ourselves with every other thing. Do you believe in a higher power? If so give me some idea of your concept, if not give some idea of why not.

Customer:

you mean G-D?

Mark Manley :

Yes or whatever you call it if it exists for you.

Customer:

Yes, I believe. However, I am embarrassed to talk to Him, since so many things are circulating in my head.... cheating is punished, I am already punished with the mood swings, uncertainties, doubts, imbalance. I was closer to Him once, and was a better person! Now I grew older, became bitter. Many times I just don't feel like getting closer at all. Get closer…. Is this the key? I guess, I need to start concentrating on my spirituality, perhaps I will see the right path…..


 

Customer:

thanks for your wonderful advise, Mark.

Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Verified
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Mark Manley
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
402 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.

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