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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ugh, Im so disgusted. I think my husband is having a long

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Ugh, I'm so disgusted. I think my husband is having a long distance affair with a girl from highschool (25 years ago). Her Facebook posts, which are on the public wall, have become really suggestive, and indicate they may have screwed around in July when she was up here for the reunion(which he did not not want to go to). Now, she's writing how she can't wait to come back in April, and how Happy Happy John is. What the heck...she also wrote "Have a good one...on me..." and has been referring to a mysterious "True Love" a few hundred miles away. When I wanted to make love to him the other night, he said no, he was tired, and nothing happened, which has never happened in almost 18 yrs. The next day she wrote"Sometimes you have to take one for the team". I'm starting to feel like there's something going on...but, what are they waiting for, if they both want to be together? Why not just ditch me and get on with it?
I think they are too. Those emails are too suggestive to be a coincidence. I would confront him as soon as possible with the emails. You can see how he responds to that. This isn't just a reunion. This is suggestive and seemingly sexual remarks. Your decision can follow such emails and his explanation. Ask him if he wants you out of the picture and see what he says. He may want his cake and eat it too. My biggest fear is that men keep their partners around in case such impulsive behavior doesn't work out. He may be scared of change. Find out now even if you have to be your own private investigator. He will own up sooner or later or she will
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

oh, thank you so much for understanding what I'm seeing...after I posted this question, I found more.last night I did ask him about it last Friday and showed him the posts, and he denied everything and then said, it's all in your head and walked out the door. I don't have access to his computer, he uses the one at work for e-mail convos, and is paranoid about surveillance of any kind and frequently checks his car for GPS monitors. He is miles ahead of me in this game, obviously.

To be honest, I'm thinking of asking HER if she's in love with my husband, and telling her, if so, I will give him a divorce. I have the papers at the courthouse ready for the final judgment, which we put on hold last May. I just hate being in limbo like this. His credo is deny, deny, I will get no where with him (he's done this before, and I found out after the fact from the girls). I got over it, we moved on( it was extremely hard and damaging)

I think the clincher is, I own the house and he can't afford his own apartment.

but why not move and live with her..but,.he may be thinking this.He's talking about changing jobs all of a sudden. And she is writing she'll be moving soon ( don't know where).

Biggest decision for me is, the kids and I are on his Blue Cross insurance...a great plan. So, I don't have the luxury of finally cutting the cord, even though I am finally emotionally ready.

My question boils down to this, at this point...should I ask her outright?

I don't advise it but I know I would want to as well. You will get your answer as she has no investment in your marriage. She is less willing to lie. It does offer a source of information that is not biased. As far as money, although you are emotionally ready, the financial piece takes a while. You should consult a lawyer because he may have options you haven't thought of. I support your need to know. Your gut is very intuitive. If he has this past, it is more than possible that he can carried off an affair. When you make your final decisions, get yourself some counseling to get through this rough patch.
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