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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been seeing this man for the last 9 months. Things

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I have been seeing this man for the last 9 months. Things have been going well. He did not have the best of childhoods, abuse etc. He has been through two divorces and many relationships that ended unresolved. He has finally figured out that the problems he has with relationships stems from his childhood that was never resolved. He is now working on these problems and wants to put out relationship on hold with no promises. I told him that I would like to help him understand what he is feeling and stand beside him as he goes through the process. Am I wrong in wanting to help? I have fallen in love with this man and really want to be there with him.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I think it is extremely important that you be there for him. He is going through a tough time trying to understand himself. Even if he has said he needs to work on himself that is ok, he needs to. If you are there for him, you are showing him that even through tough times you are going to be there for him. That through it all you are the one standing there supporting him and that you never gave up on him trying to find himself. He will be going through a lot of emotions trying to solve the issues he has, so he could push you away, fell anger, resentment of his past. But you have to be the most understanding, open minded person to help him through all that he is feeling. If he knows that he can trust you to be there for him, you will see him begin to open up more with you and realize that you are there for him. You have fallen in love with this man which means you accept him for who he already is. Just listen to what he has to say and you also be open and honest about your feelings. Keep open lines of communication with each other and over time he will heal. He will discover some of the things from his past that have now been a problem in his future. Be very patient and let him know that you are going to do your best to understand what he has gone through in his life.
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