My husband hasnt spoken to the kids or me in the last 4 days.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your husband is doing the very thing he is accusing the children of doing, acting selfishly. He is not acting grown up about the situation and taking charge as a parent. Instead, he is acting out like a child and letting you take the job of parent. He is also setting a poor example for the kids, who will learn their parenting skills from him.

Your husband may have some unresolved issues from his past. Did his parents act the same way in response to his behavior? Was he taught that his feelings were the most important in any situation and therefore he should come first?

Whatever his reasons, he needs to understand that he is the parent now and cannot withdrawal from his responsibilities as an adult and take his feelings out on his kids.

Approach him and let him know that you want him to go to therapy. You can offer to go with him and talk to the therapist together, but it seems this issue comes from him and his problems so he is the main focus here. He can find a therapist through his doctor or if you attend church, your pastor can help. He can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

If he refuses to go to therapy, you may have to set boundaries with him. Tell him you find his behavior unacceptable and you want him to parent with you. Talk about what you want him to do and stick to it. If he starts to act out again, ignore him. Remove the kids from the situation and leave. If you need to take two cars when you go out, do so. That way you can leave if he starts again. Tell him that until he changes his behavior, this is how it will be.

If he continues to hurt the kids, you may have to go as far as separating from him. A separation may give him time to work out whatever is causing him to act out. It also may encourage him to seek help.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate