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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Here is a brief recap of what has occurred. I Have been with

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Here is a brief recap of what has occurred. I Have been with an older man for nearly a year. We are very much in love and he has a 12 year old son. Our relationship was better than ever and we had decided that we did not see a future without the other person. However, there was always the issue of kids in future. I, being only 21 am not sure of how I feel about having kids. I certainly do not wish to have kids anytime soon, but may feel differently a few years from now. My boyfriend has recently told me that he does not want anymore kids. Up until a few weeks ago the topic had not come up again. I was in a major car accident 3 weeks ago that left me with a broken arm, which led me to the discovery that I was 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend immediately rejected the idea of keeping the child because he did not wish to raise another child and because I was not ready to be a mother. I agreed 100% with him and decided to have a medical abortion last week. Since then, I decided to move out of his house to take some time to myself. I love him, but I do not wish to waste anymore time together if we have different goals. I feel torn between the love of my life and the desire to raise a child one day. Should I stick around and hope that he decides to compromise or should I just forget about him? He wants to be with me, but understands my decision.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You are taking a huge risk by staying. If he wanted children he would know that already. Often people at this age have expectations and they know what they are. Alot of the time they are 1) past the baby stage with their children and 2) have goals that no longer include children. If they change this momentarily, you take the chance that they could be resentful later. There is always a chance that he will compromise but your willingness to take that chance is up to you. I am fearful that your motherly instinct will go unnoticed and you will not be happy. do whatever your heart tells you to do. In the end it is your decision. Find out now from him if there is any chance that he will even consider children
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your prompt response. A huge part of agrees and feels as if I should not stay. Even though he makes me very happy right now, maybe a few years from now I will not be once I decide I want children and does not. I already know that he is against the possibility of having another child, but it is not because he fears starting over. He has confessed that he is scared of another failed marriage and being left with two children from separate marriages. I have tried to assure him by telling him that I will only decide to have a child with someone I am positive that I will spend the rest of my life with and that there is still years before I am ready for that commitment. This has been the only glitch in our relationship and we have a great connection. I love him and his son and it would break my heart to realize that we are not meant to be. What is the best way to talk to him about this without him becoming defensive of closed minded?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Take this discussion over the long term and gradually reinforce that you are committed. to this. You are right. This is different. When he gains confidence, he may start to consider all the facets of a long term relationship. Just remember that he probably felt it was long term with his ex. So this will take patience and dedication, but you can reassure him that you are dedicated to this relationship. This gradual approach will avoid him closing down and instead will show him that you are serious. Don't keep verbalizing it now because it will feel forced. He will benefit from actions over words
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