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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am in and out of a relationship with an alcoholic. I knew

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I am in and out of a relationship with an alcoholic. I knew he was a drinker when we met, however I didn't realize the magnitude of it until we moved in together. We had been together just under a year when i decided to leave. The problem is I know what a wonderful man he can be, he has never been physically violent with me, but he has said some unkind things when he's drinking. He is also promiscuous. I firmly believe he hasn't been physical with anyone since we've lived together, however he talks to numerous woman on facebook, emailing and texting. Like he's looking for love everywhere except in front of him. I am very close with his family, so we are always in contact. I feel like I can help him, but I don't know how without feeling like I'm enabling him. At this point I've talked him into being friends, so I can make sure he's eating, wearing clean clothes and going to work..but is that doing to much for him or not enough. I feel like a failure and don't want to abandon him, but I need to worry about my future also...Please help..
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Living with an alcoholic is very difficult. Some of which is for the reasons you describe. They are married to their addiction and the impulsive behaviors both with the alcohol and any others they are participating in (computer, texting). They engage in all of it without little regard for others. I agree that you need to avoid being an enabler and doing those everyday things can lead to that. You need to support only total abstinence and treatment. Anything less should not warrant your assistance. I know it sounds harsh but it's the only way. Give your utmost support when he is in treatment, clean or at least going to meetings. You too should also check into AlAnon and the issues of codependency (Codependent No More), If he learns to function without impulsive thinking, the computer relationships may also be unnecessary. If you think you can find resources and he won't, it is okay to make suggestions. At that point, however you have to consider that he is willing or not willing to go and make your decisions from there.
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