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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been in a relationship for 5 years during the five years

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship for 5 years during the five years there has been abuse issues he has a drug problem and alcohol issue also I have remained in the relationship due to true love on my part this is my first intimate relationship I thought would result in marriage he wanted to marry and he knew how to be there and make me feel I was everything to him but it has un expectedly fallen apart now after he served 7 months in jail his mother also has a lot to do with it her personal dislike and jelousy. I feel a deep connection with him and we really are perfect for one another but there is so many interferences and he used to try with all his heart to make things right and he just is not trying at all anymore like he doesn't care. the problem is I don't know how to stop loving him I am hurting and still deeply in love with someone who is no longer in love with me the communication is gone I need advice on how to fall out of love I deserve love and happiness and he is not putting any effort in to make it right I have found myself trying and I can tell he is only thinking about himself and the relationship is ruined I feel what if we were right and there is no one else who will understand my situation with my mom she has paranoia and needs me many men would not understand this and run but he seemed like he is so easy to move on like there is no emotion there I want to be able to move on if thats what I need to do but cant unless I get help to get stronger I cary all the time and am miserable inside I have gained so much weight from the stress in this relationship and feel no one will desire me due to it I am battling depression also
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You should seek a professional as this seems to have greatly effected your self esteem. It is hard to fall out of love when you are depressed and your self esteem has been battered because you are sad and feel you can't do any better. In addition gaining weight may make this battle overwhelming. You can process in therapy why you still feel a need to be with this person or grieve the relationship. Someone is always out there to deal with whatever baggage one brings to a relationship. He is not the only guy who can do this. If anything, you could find someone more devoted and less selfish. Your heart is not ready for someone else, but you can work through why that is. You deserve a great relationship so spend this time working on you. I urge you to do this soon. With increased self esteem you will find that you make better choices