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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I just found out that my husband has been talking to his ex

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I just found out that my husband has been talking to his ex lover and has lied to me about it. He got her pregnant after we have been married for 9 years. He has never accepted the child, his ex has tried to put him in jail but I lost my phone and went to his I read a text message that said "I just want to hear your voice!!" I went to a phone number search and found out it was her. She also put her son in my daughters private school every day I am faced with the possibility of running into her or the child. I have built up trust in my husband, but, to find out he has hand numerous conversations with her behind my back is totally inexcusable to me. He said he was trying to protect me. Before her my husband was an alcoholic and had numerous affairs on me but the past 15 years have been good until now knowing that he has talked to this woman

I am concerned about a few things here. The first that he is conducting such a relationship behind your back and whether it is just some phone calls. Considering they have a child, there probably has to be some contact IN A RESPECTFUL WAY OF course. There has to be boundaries and this needs to be done appropriately. The way he is handling this is not consistent with a trusting relationship and you need to take this up with him now. He should make reassurances that this will be handled openly and honestly from now on. Figure out a way to function with respectful ground rule or this will not be resolved

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have already warned him WELL before this about his contact with her I told him that I need to know when he speaks to her. We have four children ages 24, 20, 17, 15 we have been married for 24 years after finding out about the contact behind my back I feel like I am done with it. I can't go on not trusting my husband, he always has an excuse for everything and makes me feel like I am the bad person here that he has been a good husband for the last 15 years and I couldn't ask for more. I know my children will be mad at me but I am so crushed and shocked by this. He says her text "I just want to hear her voice!!" is just this girl trying to break us up. I don't believe him they have been talking for months now behind my back he says she is just demanding money although I know she does demand money I don't think a woman would randomly text "I just want to hear her voice"
I agree with you but didn't want to alarm you. That sounds like more than just texting. Even if it isn't he has disrespected you and his family. I don't know how to gain trust after having to deal with this situation over years. As far as the kids, they want you to be happy and eventually they will understand. You are not a bad person but you have been a very trusting person. I don't believe the breaking us up excuse. Do what you feel is right and others will understand. Find someone trustworthy
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