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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My brother and I dont talk to each other anymore. It will

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My brother and I don't talk to each other anymore. It will be 1 year this March when this first began. This started with a he-said-she-said situation. It all happened when someone (I still don't know who) was saying that I was saying that I no longer have a family, and I have no brothers because they don't take care of me. This was said to me by my grandmother. I tried asking my grandmother who told her all of this and she would not tell me, even until this very day. Because my mother is the only person who talks to my grandmother, I assumed it was her saying all these things. I got upset and refused to answer my mother's calls. My mother got upset and told my older brother that I wasn't talking to her.

In a few days I received a very long and hurtful email from my older brother. I can discuss everything he wrote to me, but it's too much to include here. Nonetheless, I was very hurt. Eventually my mother and I decided that it would be best to clear the air, between her and I, and talk. She said that she had never told my grandmother anything of that nature and I apologized for ignoring her calls.

My mom and I are fine now but the relationship between my brother and me still dwindles. I feel that I had done nothing wrong to deserve such an email and everything was just a big misunderstanding. I feel like my brother tries to act like a father towards me and even said that he doesn't like being my father-figure. I never asked for one and I already have a father. I've told him before that I would rather have him as my brother. He attests in his email that I am a "out of control late blooming rebellious teenager." I've asked the rest of family about this and they disagree. I do believe that I've changed, just like everyone else, but not for the worse. I don't drink much, except for 1 drink on a special occasions. I never used to swear and now I do, but again, not much. He holds very strong feelings against my boyfriend because he says that I depend too much on him, spend too much time with him, and he's the reason for my changing.

I can go on and on about our issues, but the fact of the matter is is that my brother and I don't talk and I would like an apology from his end, but I don't see it coming. My brother and I used to be very close up until he got married and moved closer to his job (about an hour away). I miss him very much and want us to get to talking again.

I am afraid to approach him for a fear that he still thinks of me the same way. And I believe he does because he's told my mother recently that I am not the same person I used to be. My brother tends to be a very cold person and it can be very hard to talk to him (things tend to get really awkward). Regardless, I want us to be okay, I just don't know what I should do to get us moving in a positive direction. I honestly wish he would be the one to come around.
Family disputes are very difficult and very emotional. They can hit where it hurts. The one thing you have to accept is that apologies come when they come and very seldom with any apologies. If you can just open the door, that may be all your get for awhile. This probably is going to be a very slow process. Possibly have your mother have a small sit down between you and him, or send him an email NOT asking for an apology and see what happens. Sometimes over time our memories become even more complicated about why we are mad. Start with the smallest pebble of truth and work from there
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