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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I been with my husband for 14 years and married for 6. We started

Customer Question

<p>I been with my husband for 14 years and married for 6. We started dating when I was twenty years old. We currently have two small children. I was brought up by an abusive single mother. The issues here is my husband was unfaithful to me and I found out a year ago, through a text message a co-worker sent him stating, "I am mad at you, I can't believe you used her like that!" I confronted him right away and demanded him to tell me who he was having an affair with. Well he told me everything. He had ended that fling a year ago. He had sex with her in her vehicle, in a parking lot, several times. When he ended the "situtation" (I don't call it an affair because he never bought her anything and they never ate a meal together) she did not take it very well.</p><p>She was a much older 45 year old, unattractive married woman, the reason I know is because I found out everything about her. What I don't understand is how he can be with her when his wife (me) is attractive. When I found out, my son was one month old and I was going through post pardum depression. Since then, I have gone through rages and hurt him physically and and tried to kick him out. He gets on his knees and begs me to forgive him, but I can't. Lately he can't take the fact that I can't forgive him and he holds me down when I become angry and try to hurt him. I know that this relationship has turned ugly and we have never had any issues prior to this. He refuses to let me go and he went and tattoed my portrait on his chest. I don't know what to do, could you please advise?</p>
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Please try to find a counselor that is more effective. There are wonderful ones in any state. If he didn't help then it just wasn't the right fit. You will find a way to forgive him. Otherwise your anger will present itself in other ways like it is now. Your relationship will suffer because of it. In the meantime, find more effective ways to communicate. There are excellent resources out there. I like the Mars and Venus series. You need to address the issues between you over and above affair. This will take both of you. that's why I want both of you to go or to educate yourselves together. Remember that he is with you. If this affair was life changing, he wouldn't be there. Focus on finding your intimacy again so that you enjoy other. Schedule date nights again that focuses on the time between the two of you. Spend this time appreciating each other. Support positive qualities in the other and acknowledge these regularly
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.

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