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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hello! I have lots of insecurities when in a relationship,

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I have lots of insecurities when in a relationship, (Possessiveness, jealously, controlling, scared, abandenment,trust, fat, ugly, unworthy, probably lots more but I think u get the picture) due mainly to a lot of things happening to me as a child and growing up. In a children's home from the age of 6mths old untill 17 when kicked out into the big wide worlrd to fend for oneself.

My actual problem is that I always think my partner is going to leave me. If we go out, or he talks to someone on the phone (female) especially from work. Bump into an 'old' friend somewhere, I am immediately on red alert, watching for body langauge, how friendly talking, eye contact or smiling/laughing. If he displays any of these I immediately think I am on my way out. I think he 'prefers' her to me coz he laughs etc more with her than with me. THEN to make things even worse! Because I can't say how I am feeling (because I know stupid??!!) I go quiet and get accused of sulking. Trouble is I am now 50 & sooooo fed up of constlently feeling like this, always on edge. Other people have been thru a lot more than me and they manage to get on in life. So why oh why can't I? Please help me I just want to be normal and happy with 'my' lot! Thank you

It sounds like you should investigate the possibility of a mood disorder coupled with self esteem issues. Both of these together can work together to cause you great distress and depressed mood. This then spills over into your relationships because your sense of security is not enough to deal with issues within that relationship. This will really effect any relationship since the insecurities are with you. You probably know all of this and know you need professional help.


There are ways to access counseling in any state if you have no money. There are counselors who are required to do pro bono work or pro bono practices that charge nothing. You can also pursue state funding to cover medical issues and those plans include mental health. If you want a book to read on your own the bible of this sort of issue is called Codependent No More.


Use some of your time to educate yourself on how codependency and low self esteem lead to sadness, poor self image, unstable relationship and feelings that you are not the beautiful person that most people are. Do this before you engage in negative relationships or ruin yours now

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