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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have a lovely partner, we have lived together in Somerset

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I have a lovely partner, we have lived together in Somerset for 5 years. He works in Iraq and is home for 6 weeks at a time. He has 4 children, two grown up daughters, 25 and 22 who live in Manchester and two sons 14 and 17 who live half an hour away. When he's away only his 22 year old daughter bothers to keep in touch and she's the only one who seems to care about him. When he's home the other 3 only call him when they want something. Bearing all this in mind he still gives them everything they want and they do NOTHING for him. They only visit if he pays their fare or picks them up. I slightly understand it from the boys but his oldest daughter has never had a job and seems to think her father owes her a living. I've talked to him about it and explained that I hate seeing him treated this way. I get really upset and stressed out about it, to the point I have had panic attacks and don't sleep. How do I cope with it?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It is very difficult if not impossible to address issues between a partner and their children. The mom will say you are interfering, the kids will do what they are allowed to do, and the partner will feel very hurt while still wanting to see no wrong in his children. For these reasons, your only option is to speak to him about what his expectations are and how to express them to his children. Keep in mind that many things can happen in the future: They could get mature and realize how good he is to them, he could become tired of this and let them know what he expects or how much it would mean to hear from them, or mom could mature and urge them to be more loving. You are the new person coming in. Beyond talking to him, I would take a step back except to drop some hints to the kids here and there.

Edited by psychlady on 2/3/2011 at 10:30 PM EST
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