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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. He is 37 and

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. He is 37 and I am 43. My issue is that he had his birthday yesterday and he likes to hang out with guys that are 18-20 years old (three of them). When he does he starts acting like one of them. One of the guys isn't too bright so the other guys pick on him, it seems that they bring him along to make fun of him. I act more along the age of mid 30's. He even started to pick on me a little bit last night. I am not sure what to do. Last night I got upset and confronted him in front of his "friends" about him picking on the guy because he had told me he was going to stop, he also picked on my twin 15 year old daughters which he seldom does. I feel that I am dating a 19 year old brat when these times come up. Part two of this is that he has lied to me several times, most of them were stupid little lies, but two were big. The first was before we moved in together he was living at his mom's for about a year. He would get home text me "good night" and then leave for the casino to play cards. The second is that he gets bad migraines and the doctor recommended him getting his medical marijuana card to help because the pills made him sick. I had found a pipe and he said it was a friend's. The about 4 months ago I found the pot and he told me the truth that it was his. He knew I was totally against drugs. I asked him who all knew because I felt that I was the only one of his friends that didn't know and he said no one except his mom and dad. Well, since then I found out all his friends knew.
As a drug counselor, marijuana is used for migraines and glaucoma but on a very limited basis in very specific circumstances. This is used when symptomatic, not smoking with your friends or hanging out. As far as the lying, there is no excuse. It is just wrong and leads to hurt feelings and mistrust. I would be very leery of just warning him about picking on his friend. That usually takes a person willing to hurt the feelings of another even to go with the flow. I think you described him well. All of these behaviors seem very immature. You have some choices to make regarding whether you want to be with someone so immature. You may have to consider this when evaluating your relationship. He may come around for the most part but he still wants to use drugs, belittle others, and lie. Consider the type of relationship you deserve
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I wanted to follow up. He only acts 20 about once a month the rest of the time he acts his age and is loving. There are still silly little lies

If this is temporary use time between these times to really talk about your concerns. There is a great book about communication called "Mars and Venus Together Forever"

Find ways to communicate that lets him know that his behavior becomes very immature and how it can be downright frustrating. Especially reinforce the behavior towards his friend and how hurtful this could be - maybe he thinks it just harmful fun. I would be careful about doing this in front of his friends. If the lies aren't the end of the world, just find ways to communicate this too. Sometimes it just takes persistence. Even when you think he isn't listening, you may be planting a seed. He respects your opinion so just gradually have him face his own behavior