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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband sometimes gets into these moods where he seems to

Customer Question

My husband sometimes gets into these moods where he seems to look for excuses to rant and rave about something...anything. The reason why I word it that way is because I learned it last night: I got off the phone with my mother and he was watching tv quietly while I was on the phone (rarity). When I got off the phone I proceeded to update him on what my mom had said about this particular situation with my cousins. He interrupted me, changing the subject to how much he despises the news anchor he was much he couldn't stand to stare at his face (heard this rant before...didn't wanna hear it for another hour). (He's the one who changed the channel). I suggested changing the channel to a news program he prefers and then I resumed the conversation I started. He interrupted me angrily, "What does that have to do with this news anchorman?!!" "Well, you CAN change the channel, right?" He then blew up and said, "f**k YOU and your SOLUTIONS." I have to hear him repeat the same stories about his phone conversations with people pretty much every day, even though I heard the whole thing in original form during the times the person on the phone with my husband speaks loud enough for me to hear without my trying. I don't inundate him with stories about my family because since I feel his resentment if I interrupt his nonstop monologues to even answer my phone. It reminds me of another time when I was getting an ultrasound and when I got out of the exam room, I didn't even get the chance to say that the test was inconclusive and my doctor wants more tests. As soon as I left the exam room, it became ALL about him and his panic attack and how all the women in the waiting room had to come to his aid because he thought he saw me being taken away on a gurney hurriedly to the emergency room. When it feels like he is indifferent to my health/well being, it doesn't really bother me unless his expectations start to feel like more than I can do. But his indifference to my health and these crazy events to divert attention back to him just don't add up. If it's true that he freaked b/c he thought he saw me rushed to the emergency room, why would he not even ask me how the test went and why would he then get irritated each and every time I tried to interrupt his dramatic panic attack story with the test results before I forget what I was just told after the exam.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. It sounds like he definitely needs therapy. If he doesn't get help you are going to continue to feel miserable. You don't gat any satisfaction from him, it seems, on any level. If you'd like me to help you find a therapist for him please give me your city, state and zip code.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am contacting YOU because counseling is simply not possible. This service COSTs 35 bucks. Aren't YOU a counselor? I indicated that I needed HIGH DETAIL in your response. Is there anyway I get more help than just a referral to a therapist other than you? If not, I want my $35 back...sorry..I just aint THAT rich.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
So sorry but a PhD in psychology and post graduate education never taught us magic or to treat people over the internet. Nothing anyone will tell you will help. He has too many problems. A counselor does not have magic answers. A counselor would need him to be in therapy to even see if it's possible to work out his problems.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Sorry I got so snippy but honestly, I have gotten more help from this than simply a referral before...a few years ago. You do realize that I can get referrals for FREE by calling 1-800-SUICIDE (even though I'm not suicidal), 1-800-799-SAFE, and other crisis lines right? Why does this service cost $35 if the experts feel all they can give out is referrals when referrals that can be gotten elsewhere for free? I don't have a car and I don't have a lot of money. I am aware of the disclaimer that this is not a substitute for "real" advice. I would imagine that the disclaimer is there so that the experts on here are not liable for any advice they give. Besides, I have no plans of suing anybody. It would be cool if people didn't worry so much about liability and worried instead about helping people. I guess the people who sue left and right have simply ruined things for the rest of us.