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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, I have been married for 34 years,have 2 grown children

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Hi, I have been married for 34 years,have 2 grown children and 3 grandchildren. I have just found out that my Husband has been viewing Gay Porn. He insists he is not gay and has no tendancies that way. He was badly sexually abused as an 8 year old and 12year old and had no Dad in his life.Dad died when he was 2yrs old and his Mum was a disabled and very sick widow. His younger brother who he raised turned to being Gay when he left home at 18. My husband has felt great sadness and a self loathing and shame with what he has been doing.
I found from when we were 20 years married and he opened up to me somewhat about his abuse by other men. He then started to distance himself intimately with me from that point. When he started looking for his Gay Brother to tell him about his Mums death about 5 years ago,I believe things started spiralling out of control. I love him and want to support him with whatever help he gets and deserves. He is also a very sick man. He was hit with diabetes(Type1) and epilepsy at 29yrs of age and he still works fulltime. What can I do? Thanks J
Well viewing gay porn doesn't mean he is gay. He may just be curious especially since his brother is gay. However, if he crosses into being stimulated then he is getting something from this. You need to find out from him what he is gaining from this. He may need to do some soul searching but he can figure it out. Only he can do this. Then find other ways to stimulate him other than porn. An abuse history doesn't lead to being gay (like the media tells you) but it can give him a warped sense of what is healthy sexually. With therapy you could find other outlets that are less destructive
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